


Kairos- the opportunity of a moment

by Thetimehascome



Category: TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Cause I'm that "I love my parents" bitch., Domestic Fluff, Family Dynamics, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, References to Illness, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-03
Updated: 2020-03-17
Packaged: 2021-01-22 03:21:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 24,099
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21294278
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thetimehascome/pseuds/Thetimehascome
Summary: "But like the Moon, he could not help but face his Sun, his brightly beaming boy,whose eyes flare with a fire and steps fall light as a feather.His presence is what lets Soobin shine, his own glow growing in the presence of Yeonjun’s dazzling heat.There are moments, perhaps, where his rays burns too hot, where Soobin must turn his face away before his whole skin grows red, but he could never stay away too long before he craved the warmth once more."A very domestic Yeonbin canon fic about found family and navigating hardships together.
Relationships: Choi Soobin/Choi Yeonjun
Comments: 19
Kudos: 69





	1. The clock strikes 9 and 3/4

**Author's Note:**

> First and foremost, this is a work of fiction. I don't assert that anything like this would or should happen in the future, but I do like to think of this as a possibility of something that could happen given the right circumstances. However, obviously, I am writing as if those circumstances are true, which I don't know nor should anyone assume. This isn't made to be a persuasive piece or anything, just an idea that got stuck in my head. I haven't watched all the content ever made on them, so this is my version of their characterization and past and take it all with a grain of salt. I have seen quite a bit though so hopefully it's accurate enough. Fun fact: I even based some of it on Yeonjun, Huening Kai, and Beomgyu's MBTI type that they revealed so that was fun lol. Last thing: I'm in love with imperfection. Thus the story will start and end without a story book ending or beginning (not saying the conclusion is sad just not fairy tale). I'm assuming people know quite a bit about them so sorry if you're really new some background might be vague. With that all said: enjoy the story the two people who read this!

It was 7 now and they had to be done by 9:45.  
Yoenjun stared at the red flashing light. The camera curved his reflection in its darkened lens.  
“Are you ever going to turn it on hyung?”  
His body shifted left, creaking in the early dawn light.  
“We promised a vlive didn’t we?”  
Soobin rolled his eyes at the simplistic remark.  
The morning was young, bright with possibility. Yet nothing of note had passed. Car horns and bird chirps indicated the world was awake, but the same could not be said for all the boys in the house.  
“A promise was made sure, but will a promise be kept?”  
A snort bounced out from across the room. A sharp gaze landed on soobin. Another might feel a bit weary under its purview, but soobin knew better than to take it so personal. It was 7 am after all.  
Pale fingers haphazardly carded through blue hair as Yoenjun sighed deep out of his slightly pouted mouth.  
“Alright alright aigoo. Let’s gather the others and get going then.”  
Soobin gives a tired sigh of his own and pated his hyung’s shoulder with an indulgent expression.  
“Perhaps the others can do more of the talking if our Yoenjunnie hyung is so tired”  
His mischievous dimpled smile was met with a flat look that quivered with a hint of mirth. A snort of air filled with exasperation, and perhaps a bit of fondness, responded to the statement.  
Yoenjun stood slowly and they both moved in synch to the bedroom door.  
After gathering the 3 musketeers, they instructed everyone to sit in view of the camera. Beomgyu stretched out while Teahyun and Huenging Kai curled up on each side of the grey couch.  
The room was washed out from the light of the slow rising sun, with specks of dust floating in its sparse rays. The air and the boys were stagnant in the lull of the dawn.  
“It’s our first year anniversary today so we have to make a vlive to celebrate with our MOA.”  
Soobin’s message was met with little fanfare from the sleepy boys on the couch. Even Teahyun, who could normally be counted on to give at least a supportive nod, gave little more than a slow blink of his big eyes. Beomgyu’s small snores spelled little hope for a response. Yoenjun groaned.  
“Let’s all sit up and perk up and get going.”  
“Well we can’t start a celebration like this can we.”  
Yeonjun nodded to that. Then he yelled.  
“FIGHTING everyone!”  
The maknaes perked up like ruffled chicks kicked from the roost, while Beomgyu startled out of his doze. Despite the annoyance sparking in the air, no one could question that they were all more awake.  
Soobin moved towards the camera, giving pause to assess their readiness for recording. While everyone seemed more active, he would hate to drag everyone through a vlive that was meant to be a moment of excitement.  
But alas-- it was 7:30.  
With little time to wait, awake will have to do.  
The camera clicked on and each member gave it a long slow blink. Yeonjun and Beomgyu quickly fixed their messy morning hair, while Huening Kai gave a forced giggle in the silence. Taehyun’s gaze bore deeply into the camera, lost in thoughts about human mortality and philosophy, or perhaps just what kind of chicken they were having that night.  
“Alright I think enough people have joined” Yoenjun grumbled.  
“Hello everyone!” The chorus of voices finally chimed. “Happy 1 year to us!”  
The boys all raised their arms, vibrating with the enthusiasm of youth. Huening Kai even jumped up to lean in and flash a cheeky V sign and wink to the viewers.  
After that their regular greeting rolled by with an acceptable level of pep, and the boys began to answer some questions and chat.  
Beomgyu adjusted his maroon fleece sweater, craving the comfort of a warm blanket ripped away too soon. Soobin adjusted his legs, twitching with desire to leave for breakfast already.  
“MOA want a cute action. Who should do it MOA?”  
All members glared at Huening Kai’s smug face for mentioning a comment they would gladly ignore.  
“I don’t know, maybe the person who mentioned it should do it” Soobin stated with slightly gritted teeth and a side eye.  
“But then we would have to see Huening Kai’s aegyo”  
Teahyun’s deadpan comment was met with a moment of brief silence then an outbreak of sharp laughter from the boys. Even Huening Kai was alternating his put upon pout with a giggle. Their Maknae performed as asked, to the secret delight of his hyungs. Even if the young boy could be exhausting, his warmth was dearly needed in the unusually cold spring morning.  
They responded to a few more questions until Yeonjun waved his hand in a flurry, flapping his slightly oversized jacket sleeve in the air.  
“Alright two more comments and then let's wrap it up”  
Teahyun, who had been relatively quiet apart from the occasional input, spoke up from his curled position of the couch.  
“MOA asked what are the family dynamics in TXT.”  
The boys all paused to ponder, looking blankly at the screen. None of the boys had an instant answer, parenthood was a bit abstract to boys to young. Who is a parent-- the one who carries you when your sick? Or picks you up from practice? Or maybe just pays your bills?  
“Well I think it's obvious.” Teahyun stated after a bit of reflection.  
All their eyes shifted right, turning to him like he was grand prophet, rather than a young boy in a matching cartoon pajama set. But if they both speak the truth then well perhaps they’re one in the same.  
“Soobin-hyung is our mom. After all, he always makes sure to take care of each member like one, and his constant support evokes the same comfort of a mom. If I feel sorry or sad it’s easy to turn to him because I know he’ll care for me.  
Yeonjun-hyung is our dad. He helps take care of us as well, guiding each member when we need. And his presence gives me the feeling of safety, like I can be a totally kid around him. When I’m frustrated or scared I turn to him because I know he’ll help take care of it.  
Beomgyun-hyung is our oldest child, because he helps everyone out, but also relies on hyungs to guide the way. He’s our strong, energetic hyung, who helps support the hyungs and comfort the maknaes.  
I’m the second oldest child, since I try to support and listen to all the hyungs with care, but also have many points of immaturity I could work on. I also lean on the Hyungs a lot and I am so grateful for everyone’s support.  
Finally Hyuka is our youngest baby who heals us all with his charms, but also needs our support. He brings us all together with his unfiltered sweetness.”  
“Huh” Yeonjun grunts out, smacking his lips in thought. “I guess that all could be true.”  
“I don’t know” Beomgyu whines, “ Why do I have to be a kid? When’s the last time Soobin...hyung showed me unconditional support?”  
Soobin smacks his arm with his broad palm.  
“I always support you! Maybe I make jokes about you first but I always cheer you on in the end!”  
Beomgyu simply turns his pouted lips away, shaking his fluffy ochre hair in exaggerated defiance. Soobin just lifts his eyebrows and purses his lips, giving the camera a put out stare.  
Taehyun simply gazes at the common scene of banter with a fond smile, until Huening Kai pokes his arm. Despite his height, Huening Kai’s crouched position has him gazing up at Taehyun as he quietly admits,  
“I like your version. That's how I’ve seen it too. I’m glad to have made family here.”  
Taehyun’s smile grows into a beam, and then turns slightly mischievous at the corners.  
“I’m glad we found you too. I meant what I said about you bringing us all together. And this dynamic makes sense huh-- since you told me you were a bit of a mama's boy back home too.”  
A flush and a weak smack was the response to that, with long whine of “Teayuuuun” .  
Teahyun only giggled at the notoriously clingy boy.  
A loud clap rings out.  
“Alright I think it's time to say goodbye. Sorry MOA you know we want to stay but we have to start practice soon.”  
The others nod in agreement to Yoenjun’s statement, and they all put on their cutest voices to chirp out their goodbyes.  
Heuning Kai’s is the last face in frame, shooting a heart as he presses the off button.  
Soobin stands letting his oversized striped shirt smooth out to his thighs.  
“Ok! Practice is in less than a half hour let's go everyone!”  
The camera stays idle on the table as they all split up and move along to start their morning.


	2. 10 is just a little late

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> @myself last chapter pushing my txt family dynamic agenda out of poor Taehyun’s mouth and then comparing it to the word of god… and I oop--. Lmoa. Still I will say that it has some proof at least-- many times the members have indicated that they looked/still look up to Yeonjun and he seems to guide them in dance and activities a lot. Also that vlive with him and Huening Kai at the waterpark totally convinced me like… all that casual caring he did along with making Hyuka pose for all those photos… that’s some good dad shit right there. Also apart from Soobin’s total Momhoodᵗᵐ over Huening Kai, Soobin and Beomgyu’s episode really struck me as a mom and daughter dynamic LMAO. Not implying anything about their gender here, just saying I had a friend who was like that with her mom-- endless bickering but also love and support. But I mean you don’t have to love the dynamic to like this fic, it mostly just establishes the hurt/comfort roles. Also obviously Teahyun is not immature like he said, but mature people often see where they lack, so that’s why his seems a little harsher when he describes himself. Anyway, I hope you like the next instalment! Just an fyi this fic will shift from perspectives at times in this chapter just letting you know. Also I’m slightly illiterate lmao (or probably just a little dyslexic) so if you see me switch up letters in Taehyun's or Huening Kai's or literally anyone's name that’s why, so please have mercy.

It had been 10 days since their 1st year anniversary when Soobin first noticed something was wrong.   
Pants poured out of every mouth, but one chest especially heavied with every gust.   
The practice room was as cold as ever, isolated from the reality of the sunny day outside the window.   
Yet one face remained red.   
“Beomgyu is everything alright over there?”  
Beomgyu snapped straight, surprised by the direct call out. His jacket was twisted over his shoulders, laying limp across his back. He pushed back his sweat slicked hair, and gave a pointedly blank face to his hyung.   
“No? Should anything be wrong?”  
A slight heat colored Soobin’s face at the call out of his overreaction, and he simply scrunched his nose and shrugged a disgruntled response. The squeaks of sneakers on polished floorboards rung out as a hand dropped on Beomgyu’s shoulder.   
“Hyung was just checking in. It wouldn’t be the first time this week you felt a little sick.”  
All five eyes pointed to Taehyun, some showing surprise and others annoyance. The energy of the room shifted out of its exhausted stupor to reflect the light tension running through the boys now.   
“Huh?”   
Yoenjun remarked sharply in the quiet room,   
“I didn’t know you had gotten sick recently.”  
A particular bit of annoyance ran through him at the concealment, after all him and Beomgyu normally spilled their troubles to each other. Obviously something about that had changed.  
Beomgyu’s mouth twisted a little as he contemplated his next words a little longer than usual.  
“It really wasn’t bad hyung, I could handle it just fine”  
“Well, still you shouldn’t hide it”  
“I wasn’t trying to--”   
As Beomgyus voice raised it was promptly interrupted.  
“Please let's not argue, it’s just something to note.”  
Taehyun, as always, spoke up as their little voice of reason. His tone was no nonsense, yet his fidgety fingers gave away a tic of unrest. He scratched his neck a few times, but maintained an amicable expression to his hyungs.   
“Yeah let’s focus on how cute I am Ning Ning~~”  
The statement was accompanied by a Huening Kai signature cheek poke, and a hunch which curled his large body into something just a little smaller.  
Heuning Kai’s abrupt shift to his own cuteness was unsurprising, but not completely unwelcome. Although it had all his hyungs sighing at the bothersome response, it served its purpose well. Taehyun sent him a quick thumbs up.   
After a chorus of eye rolls and repressed grins, the boys began to gravitate towards each other naturally again.   
Yeonjun through an arm around Beomgyu’s neck grinning at his huffy friend.  
“Alright alright you know hyung just wants you to be healthy~”  
His slight baby talk whisked away any lingering tension, leaving the room relaxed once more.   
This time Beomgyu’s expression was playful as he rolled his eyes and gave a slight smirk. His renewed positive energy lit up the room once more.  
“Yeah yeah, like hyung hasn’t ever kept anything to himself Mr.Martyr.”  
“Hey!”   
Yeonjun laughed along with his own outcry, using his Nike jacket sleeve to give Beomgyu a slap on the chest. Heuning Kai cackled at the sight, immediately whipping off his worn out blue sweatshirt and swinging it around. Taehyun shrieked and, sensing an impending war, bolted. Heuning Kai was quick behind him, uncaring about working up a sweat again when it was in the name of play.   
Laughter quickly filled the musty room. The five idols chased each other around in a scene more common on a playground than a training room. In their line of work, which often requires so much from those so young, these moments of untamed youth were infrequent.   
Yeonjun often wondered if his joy was always as genuine these days as it was when he started.  
Perhaps all of those who live in the spotlight come to question the line between who they are and who they are trying to be for someone else.   
In this moment though, the naturally playful mood remained infectious. The chase gave way to dance, from dance to song, from song to laughter. Each member fed off the other’s spontaneous energy, their bodies and minds spinning in ever quickening circles of elated fervor.  
Soon enough the first body hit the ground, and like dominos the rest of their heaving bodies collapsed.   
With the hysteria faded, all that was left was a bone deep heaviness, causing each member groaning louder than the last.   
Finally Soobin hauled himself upward, stumbling over his own weary feet. He looked at the mirror, and grinned with full dimples displayed at his deflated members. Yet he couldn’t keep his eyes from lingering on Beomgyu just a little longer.  
While every member looked tired, he couldn’t help but think Beomgyu looked especially-- well ill. His instincts were telling him there was something more, but his rational side was saying there was little evidence of anything big. He was a well-known worrier-- what leader doesn’t hold a touch of paranoia? Or was he perhaps dismissing the possibility because he didn’t want it to be true? What friend wouldn’t be prone to a little wishful thinking after all?  
He shook his head, splaying his long dark hair in the air.   
He jolted as a sudden presence pressed down on his shoulders, a warm chest now pressed against his damp back as arms locked around his neck. Huening Kai grinned at their reflection, poking Soobin’s dented cheek.   
“Is our old hyung too tired out~” He whined.  
Soobin’s lips remained curled, but his eyes quickly narrowed.   
“Ya! I can’t believe I’m raising such a brat!”  
Despite the quick shove to his head, Huening Kai simply responded with a delighted giggle.  
“I certainly can believe such a thing.”  
Both heads snapped towards Taehyun following his flat statement. Two identical pairs of big eyes blinked owlishly at him.  
“Like mother like son huh~” he teased.  
“Wah!” both cried out simultaneously.   
“Why are you offended I should be the one feeling wronged!”  
“I’m the one being compared to hyung so I that means I-”  
Teahyun’s sharp laughter cut the banter short, drawing in the focus of his two ruffled members. His mirth could only increase when he saw the matching exaggerated pouts directed his way.   
“Ok! I think it's about time for us to wrap this up and go huh?”  
The other members quickly agreed to Yeonjun’s statement rising up slowly to get ready to go. Everyone swiftly packed their bags and slung them haphazardly over one shoulder.   
They all shuffled through the door, and Soobin lazily swatted the light switch on the way out.   
The sun was just setting, the sky still a bright mix of orange and purple swaths of color. Only a few of the brightest stars could be seen peeking through the encroaching darkness. The full horizon would have been beautiful, but its view was a long way from Seoul’s concrete landscape. They reach the dorm as night finally fell, having stopped for a snack break along the way.   
With bellies full of convenience store ramen and milk buns, the boys went their separate ways to get ready for bed. Before he had time to enter the bedroom, Soobin felt a hand wrap around his arm and tug him back lightly. He turned to see a rather serious looking Yeonjun, who simply gave him a jerk of his head towards the living room. He followed, looking back to see the other boys through the door already appearing reasonably occupied. As he returned his gaze to the front Yeonjun turned back around and pursed his lips.  
“Look I know this is probably nothing but I’m not convinced Beomgyu’s telling the whole truth about things.”  
Soobin blinked, not having expected Yeonjun to have thought as deeply about the matter as he obviously had. Perhaps his playful exterior sometimes disguised how thoughtful he could be.   
“Look I know Beomgyu and I know he never wants to fall short of the best, and that includes not being sick. So we know he’d be stubborn about it if he was. And Taehyun is never thoughtless about revealing a friend’s secret, so if he mentioned something to the group its because he truly thinks its better for the group to know. I had noticed Beomgyu go to the bathroom a lot the last couple of practices and… well I might have even heard him throw up once yesterday morning. I didn’t connect it into any kind of pattern until today though.”  
Soobin’s eyes widened at the declaration.  
“Throw up?!” he whispered furiously. His face scrunched in concern, his body tilting in to Yeonjun’s as if to confront him in disbelief.   
Yeonjun simply sighed and shook his head, scrubbing his fingers through his deep blue locks.   
“I’m not sure. But it sure sounded like it. Look I’m just saying let’s keep an eye out ya? And we can talk about it soon to check in with each other about our observations.”  
When his statement got no response, Yeonjun looked back up towards their bunny leader. Soobin’s face was still tense, his lip locked between his teeth and a lost look in his eyes.   
Yeonjun couldn’t help but smile a little at the sight of his friend so worried about another. Even with his own worry clouding his heart, he knew he could count on Soobin to care just as much as he did, if not more.  
“Ah Soobinnie don’t worry so much huh. Everything will be fine we’ll solve this all together.” Yeonjun stated softly. He reached up and began rubbing Soobin’s ear, eventually pulling Soobin’s head onto his shoulder. He petted his head and ears until Soobin gently pushed him away.  
“Ok yeah. I know we can deal I just… worry.”  
Yeonjun chuckled.   
“Yeah I got that”  
Soobin immediately smacked Yeonjun’s shoulder, pouting at him and giving a full hearted huff.  
“Ok fine wise guy you know all. Lets go get ready for bed already”.  
Yeonjun just snickered as he watched him strut away.  
He gave one last sigh, and hoped everything would be alright in the morning.


	3. 11 strikes a chord

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The day was grey, and the mind troubled.

He had been staring outside for 11 minutes now, hardly moving to breathe.  
The rain shattered against the glass of the window, pounding out a steady rhythm that scattered around the room. The grey shades of a city in a storm blurred together outside, marbled by each drop crawling down the glass. The room was heavy with chill, the kind that sinks into one’s bones. The air smelt fresh as the earth was washed, so much so it stinged the nostrils if one breathed in too hard. Darkness crept in from every corner, but the boy on the couch remained bathed in the lone washed out light from the window. The constant crashing only enhanced the stark silence in the room, the constant chaos outside contrasting to the stillness inside.   
It was the kind of day that made one feel either melancholy or cozy.  
Wrapped across the shoulders in a soft blue blanket, too worn to still be called fuzzy, sat a boy with ash grey hair. His hands tangled absentmindedly in the crevices of his covering, further flattening its silken strands. He shifted gently, trying to tuck each section of his body under its warmth, never seeming to accomplish it completely.  
Finally he moved, his dark eyes slipping closed and his tangled curls bouncing, as his head fell against his waiting arms. Tension claimed his body, fingers curling and limbs pressing in as feelings of frustration and uncertainty ricocheted around in his head.   
As quick as it came the tension was released, leaving limbs limp.  
A jolt went through his body, and his head whipped around at the sensation of pressure on his shoulder.  
Suddenly his view of constant grey was disrupted by a shock of blue hair, attached to a sympathetic face.  
“Still not feeling much better today Beom?”  
Although the pet name brought much needed warmth to the atmosphere, it could not hide the underlying coldness the question instilled in Beomgyu.  
What joy could be had from a question when a joyful answer could not be honestly given?  
“No hyung. Not today, not yesterday.”  
It wasn’t the slightly sharp tone that caused Yeonjun to sigh, nor Beomgyu quickly facing his body back away from him. No, that sigh belonged to the inevitable sensation of helplessness that welled inside him, a frequent guest these days. Like a sailor facing the stormy seas, he knew he was against forces beyond his control.  
But letting go of fate is never easy. Especially when it seemed to twist towards trouble.   
“I know Beom, I know”  
If Yeonjun’s comforting stroke’s down Beomgyu’s back was welcome or not, Beomgyu gave no indication. As he sat behind Beomgyu, he thought hard about how to comfort someone who knew better than to believe any happy promises made. He quickly felt the chill creep in, weighing him down with more than worries.   
Finally Yeonjun simply wrapped his arms around Beomgyu’s blanketed middle, and gave what little warmth he had against the cold.  
They sat like that, silently intertwined for a long stretch of time, each watching the drops as they crashed and rolled down the glass, as steady as a heartbeat.   
As his growling stomach brought him back to earth, Yoenjun realised he was long past due for his usual midday meal. He hummed, and made an offer he knew would be refused.  
“Do you want to try eating a little something Beomgyu? I know you haven’t eaten all day”  
A grunt and a slight shank of his head was Beomgu’s only response.   
Yeonjun simply nodded to himself, and slipped out into the cold air once again.

A few hours later Yeonjun flicked open a stained wooden door, squinting at the bright lights suddenly clogging his vision. A puff of wind blew past him as he entered, flaring his long brown coat behind him. The warm air was humid with the smell of spices, and the walls were covered with colorful decor. It felt alien to him after his grey and cold walk to get here. He quickly smiled at the familiar face coming to greet him.   
“Oh Yeonjunnie look at you have you grown again? I swear everytime I see one of you boys I look up a little higher, goodness. Especially your maknae I mean will that boy ever stop? God really is never satisfied with the lucky they say.”  
A sudden laugh escaped Yeonjun’s body, always a little bit tickled by the ajumma who runs their most frequented restaurant.   
He grins at her round face, an impish smile that charms most who gaze upon it.  
“I suppose our whole team has gained a centimeter or two, although I wouldn’t mention to Taehyun unless you want a lecture or two on misplaced luck.”  
A hearty chuckle bursts from her aproned chest, the kind of laugh that makes you think she’s always willing to laugh again.   
“Well I won’t say much then. I know better than to provoke a lecture from a boy that smart. Besides dear, Soobins been waiting for a whole ten minutes now, and you know if I make it eleven your going to get an earful.”  
Yeonjun snorted as he weaved between the tables, carving out a path to a booth near the back, a route he knew by heart.   
“Soobin sure knows how to complain of that I’m sure. If the eleventh minute will make the difference I’m not convinced.”  
As they had already arrived to the wooden table, the ajumma suppressed her usual gaff, and settled with flashing him a mischievous smile.   
“I’ll bring you boys the regular. I’m sure with all that growing you must be hungry!”  
Soobin beamed a boyish grin and nodded fervently.  
“Thank you ajumma! I’ve been thinking about your kimchi fried rice all morning.”  
Yeonjun joined in,  
“I can’t wait for your famous seafood stew!”  
She simply smiled like a benevolent god, accepting with graciousness the worship of her adoring subjects.   
“ I know, oh I know dears. Don’t worry about your stomachs because here they never leave empty.”  
With that she spun away, moving with a speed and efficiency that contradicted her older age. As she moved out of sight one could still hear her yells to one of the cooks, barely audible over the clinks and chatters of her many guests.  
Yeonjun slowly sipped from his tea cup, appreciating its presence more than usual.   
When his gaze tilts back up he observed Soobin staring at him, although he had a feeling that Soobins focus was not really on him at all.  
“Soobin how are you do--”  
“Do you think a lot of groups go through this kind of hardship their first year? I know it’s not that unusual, I mean I know Bangtan-sunbeanim also had their tough spots early on, and I’m sure it's really not that rare but I can’t help thinking that we’re only a little over a month past our very first year! I mean surely these kinds of things didn’t happen in our trainee years, I mean I feel like I would remember, but I don’t--”  
“Soobin. I know. We’ll be ok. Just relax a little.”  
A quick pat on the hand and a slightly patrimonial statement wasn’t going to exactly solve all of Soobin’s worries, but it was the best Yeonjun had the energy to give right now.   
Regardless of its delivery, the show of support was received at least for its intention, and despite Soobin’s quick role of his eyes, he did loosen up a little. Even with his gaze fixed elsewhere, Soobin’s hands remained squeezed within Yeonjun’s.   
Yeonjun fiddled with the fingers enclasped in his, settling on gently rubbing up and down the top of Soobin’s hand.   
“I mean listen. I know Beomgyu not being able to eat without getting sick isn’t good, but it’s not going to be the end of him, and it’s not going to be the end of TXT.”  
Yeonjun’s statement gained him Soobin’s renewed attention, but also a bit of his scorn.   
“Hyung I know you’re trying to help all of us through this, and you know I appreciate it. But I didn’t ask you to meet in private so we can spew the same fake pleasantries to each other. There is only so long we can pretend it’s all going to be ok. And although I would never say so to the maknaes I think we’re past that time.”  
Yeonjun sighed, letting go of Soobin’s hands in favor of settling them under his own chin.   
“I know. I guess I can’t really help but be in damage control mode. I mean I do think that it’s too early to feel so apocalyptic, but this is definitely a problem we can’t guarantee will be solved.”  
Soobin’s hands curled together, already missing the warmth of the other in the face of a truth so cold. He jiggled his leg slightly, tapping the toe of his converse on the tile underneath the table.   
“I know it’s not Beom’s fault, but I wish we had more time to address it. We already decided to delay our comeback by two months, but honestly if we don’t find a solution in the next two weeks I can’t imagine he’ll be healthy enough to participate. I never thought 5 was a risky number until now. Can we really perform a whole comeback as four? Especially with the kind of choreo we have, a missing member is not just an inconvenience-- it’s a tragedy.”  
Soobin’s voice was quieter now, as if confessing to something he didn’t really want to admit at all. It was the kind of statement that implied a greater fear of confirmation than dissent.  
Soobin’s soft eyes dropped again, mind occupied with spinning thoughts that’s clouded his brain for weeks.  
“Soobin-ah I know you don’t want arbitrary comfort right now but please you have to settle a little. Let’s think through our options calmly if we’re here to strategize.”  
The statement was punctuated with a hand on Soobin’s jumping knee, Yeonjun’s fingers running comforting circles, thumbs pressing gently on the joint.   
Soobin took a deep breath, hoping to steady his mind and body. He pressed his back into the hard wood bench behind him, and tilted his head forward while closing his eyes.  
He let his long hair fall on his face, not bothering to fix it despite the irritation to his eyes.  
The small covering brought him some comfort when talking about such a troubling topic.   
“Alright hyung, let’s lay out our options then.”  
Yeonjun assessed Soobin for a minute, taking in his reluctant posture, but also his determined tone. This wasn’t going to be fun at anytime he supposed, so it might as well be now.  
“Well first let’s look at the symptoms as we know it: he feels sick after eating almost anything, he has lost a lot of weight because of it so he can’t really exercise, and the doctors can’t find any particular reason for it except maybe a weak gut lining or something.”  
Yeonjun hummed after he finished, unsure of how to proceed.He finally opened his mouth again.  
“Well listen, I know it sounds harsh but Taehyun had the idea that he shared with me a while ago and well… it sucks but not more than our other options. What if he just keeps trying things?I mean everything. I mean it will hurt. Shit it will hurt. But we both know there isn’t a way to end the pain with a wave of our hands I mean--”  
A set of heavy footsteps nearing the table stopped him short, the Ajumma walking back with a bright smile that felt almost sacrilegious in the heavy atmosphere.  
Her back strained as she placed heavy stone pots full of steaming food between the boys, the aroma permeating the small corner they were tucked into.  
“Eat up now, food always helps the mind and soul settle when troubled.”  
Both pairs of eyes snapped to her, one sharp and assessing, the other resembling the wide eyes of a startled rabbit, nose twitching in distress.  
She gave a benign smile, waving her thick hands in dismiss of any assumed eavesdropping.   
“Boys it doesn’t take a mind reader to know a strained smile when I see it. I don’t know what your facing, but I know I’ve lived a long life. A life long enough to know that change is hard, but as time passes it will feel like it couldn’t have been any other way. I’m sure your sick of old folk like me telling you it will all be alright, but the more you keep going the more you realise time moves on, and so will you. Time is a merciless, but fair, keeper of our kind.”  
The words were comforting and unsettling, the sentiment both old and new to the boys. Old, because they had heard a similar story many times in their young life, yet new because it had never seemed so relevant before. Perhaps time is something you only begin to understand when you experience what it means to run out of it.   
“We understand”, Yeonjun responded gently after a moment’s pause.  
Whether he meant it or was just trying to get her to move along, even he couldn’t quite say.  
She simply sent him a fond look, crinkling the lines along her amber eyes, and slipped away once again.  
Soobin and Yeonjun once again stared at each other, sharing their understanding and befuddlement with a gaze.   
Soon though nothing could stop them from attacking their meals still steaming on the table, each stuffing both cheeks with a surplus of food. The flavors burst in their mouths, hunger enhancing the taste of the salty, hearty dishes. Chewing noisily, the boys stalled the conversation in favor of several more bites.  
For once though the conversation quickly took priority again, Yeonjun even bothering to make sure he swallowed before he spoke up.  
“So? What are your thoughts? I mean all we can do is pitch it to him but… I’m tired of just hoping. And I know he is too.”  
Soobin paused to chew through his own bite, and sighed as he finished. His eyes grew round as his face betrayed his concerns. He tucked his hands into the long fluffy sleeves of his white sweater, hunching slightly into his seat.  
“You know, I know, we know. If you and Taehyun think it could work… I mean if that’s what it takes you know I’m in for it.”  
Yeonjun let that sink in, fiddling with the end of his scarf and resting his head against the palm of his hand. In the end it was up to Beomgyu of course, but… it was up to them not to lead a desperate man astray.   
“I think it’s the only thing that can work. I mean either he gives up eating or he finds something to eat. There’s not really much of an in between.”  
Soobin felt slightly taken aback at the bluntness in Yeonjun’s statement, but could hardly deny its truth. He rubbed his jean-clad thighs a couple times, and then set his shoulders straight.  
He looked up again at Yeonjun and nodded once.  
“Okay. Tomorrow we’ll talk to him about it together.”  
Yeonjun clenched his teeth for a moment, then let out the rest of his breath long and slow.  
“Tomorrow we do it together.”  
As the tension dissipated, they once again began to eat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know. You know. Lee know. (ya know?)  
Hello folks, I have once again gotten some motivation to write this!! Oh holy spirit mother mary amen thank god. Really TXT is to thanks for putting out all this damn content, so I keep watching them and being like “oh shit I gotta write that fic” lol. But I think the next update will be quicker. I have more stuff to procrastinate ya know? Lmao? Hello? Yep I’m a rap god now. Anyway stay tuned folks for the next episode of “I-make-Beomgyu-suffer-more-in-the-name-of-romance-and-plot”. Now with more Huening Kai!


	4. Time for a change

It was a little past 12 when Soobin worked up the courage to approach Beomgyu with the proposal.  
He stood at the edge of the single bed staring down at Beomgyu’s soft sleeping features, revealing at his relaxed face which was far from the constant pout Beomgyu wore these days.  
He knew the boy had always struggled a lot with the pressures of being painfully human in a job that expected perfection.  
Even the word “idol” said it all: a statue, a temple, an object to be worshipped.   
Idols are not simply an entertainers, they are an illusionists.  
They paint a picture of purity: a being with forgivable flaws that only further their appeal, an idol who carves themselves in the image of those adored them.  
But in situations such as this when one cannot help but disappoint those who cheer for them, it can be crushing.  
Yet the pure happiness Soobin witnessed everyday as he performed often outweighed the troubles this life brought.  
Sometimes he felt he had the purest job on earth: one centered on granting joy.   
He knew the other boys felt similarly. But Beomgyu always felt those pressures to be perfect a little deeper. And this sickness was pushing him farther and farther from his impossible goal.   
Soobin felt sucked in by the pain that thought brought him, sitting down slowly on the edge of the bed, the silken sheets caressing his legs as he settled on top of the blanket.   
Even with this added sorrow, Soobin felt a flush of gratitude at life for bringing these boys to him. He had friends before, but not like this. Not family like this. It felt like he had skipped young adulthood right to marriage and the baby carriage.  
Well maybe not quite that.  
As he shifted to lay down next to Beomgyu and curled his fingers through his hair, Beomgyu let out a pleased whimper, huffing and unconsciously scrunching his nose.   
Ok maybe it was like that. Damn it he loves his baby! And if he had to take this illness outside and give it a stern talking to then he motherfuking would.  
He snorted at his own fantasy of whooping some gut bacteria’s ass, and sighed at the reality that this was a battle he couldn’t fight for his baby. He giggled a little again, thinking of how much Beomgyu would hate to know he called him his baby, even in his head. Echos of “it’s only a couple months HyUnG” came to mind.   
But watching the light stream in through the sheer curtains onto Beomgyu’s deceivingly angelic sleeping face had Soobin feeling some type of way. And that type was all maternal instinct.   
Before he could bring himself to disturb his curled up kid, he heard the door click open.  
Judging by the immediate and steady footsteps towards them, Soobin had an idea about who it was, and he couldn’t deny the cool balm of relief it brought him. He twisted his neck to look up, not stopping the gentle scratches he was giving Beomgyu’s scalp.   
But contrary to what he thought the footsteps walked past him, only stopping once they reached the other side of the bed.   
Yeonjun gazed down at Beomgyu, blocking the light that had warmed his slightly sunken cheeks.   
Soobin shifted back towards them both, squirming closer and taking his hand from Beomgyu’s head to reach out towards Yeonjun.  
He looked up gently, sympathizing with Yeonjun’s slight grimace. His fingers extended, palm upward in a merciful offering.  
Yeonjun never took his eyes off of Beongyu’s features, but tangled his hand in Soobin’s grip, and bent down onto the bed. He curled around Beomgyu’s fetal form, gently wrapping a long sleeve covered arm around his middle. Yeonjun pushed his arm tightly around Beomgyu, until both his and Soobin’s hands were tucked under Beomgyu’s head.   
Yeonjun propped his head up with his other arm, peering over Beomgyu to finally look into Soobin’s warm gaze.   
They found comfort in each other’s eyes for a moment, a peace that came from an ache shared with another. Soobin could feel gentle stokes on his wrist, and gave Yeonjun a smile that curled around the edges with hesitancy. It stopped short of reaching his eyes, but it had no indication of deceit.   
Yeonjun smiled back, gaze melting as he looked upon Soobin’s pleasant face. Unlocking their fingers, he reached up to pinch Soobin’s doughy cheek. Soobin’s grin pushed into a pout, his eyes narrowing slightly even as a bit of pink dusted his plump cheeks at the fond gesture. Yeonjun only smirked, and brought his hand to rest back at Beomgyu’s chest.  
His face turned stern again and he nodded at Soobin to indicate what he was about to do.  
Soobin read the gesture right, and steeled himself slightly. He returned the nod and reached a long sweater-clad hand onto Beongyu’s cheek. Slowly but surely he began to shake Beomgyu’s head, rubbing at his skin and whispering,  
“Beomgyuuuie~ wake up baby”  
Yeonjun glanced up and gave Soobin a fond look at the pet name, smiling down at the warm yet mischievous look on Soobin’s face.  
“Ba-by?”  
Beomgyu’s voice cracked in the middle of his short protest, his throat a little raw and his mind half awake.  
He stirred, cracking one honey colored eye open, blinking rapidly at the noon sun.  
Beomgyu glanced at is two hyungs, unsure of the reasons behind their appearance but comforted by their presence nonetheless.   
He pulled his gray blanket down, twisted his head and dislodging the other two’s hand from under it, then resettled slightly propped up on his pillow.  
Yeonjun’s dry, slightly rough hand found its way behind Beomgyu’s neck, rubbing away a bit of tension there. Soobin quietly shuffled closer once more, laying a long arm across Beomgyu’s small chest.   
“How you feeling Beom?”  
Beomgyu opened his shuttered eyes to regard Soobin, searching his face for a hook that question might hold. Finding nothing but open regard, Beomgyu simply sighed and replied,  
“ I’m alright for now. I had a bowl of plain rice earlier and the stomach cramps only lasted an hour or so. I guess for me that’s progress now.”  
There was no bitterness left in the statement, only simply honesty, and that more than anything stabbed through Soobin. His face scrunched, eyes turning glassy even though he would never allow the tears to fall. Not here.  
“Oh baby. I just want it to be better. But I guess that’s never been up to either of us.”  
As he talked Soobin reached out to brush through Beomgyu’s bangs still plastered to his forehead. He focused his pained gaze on the soft ash strands, stroking his thumb along Beomgyu’s temple with each swipe.  
Beomgyu gazed at Soobin with swimming emotion in his stare, and opened his mouth to respond before being cut off.  
“It’s not in our control. Not ours and certainly not Beomgyu’s. As helpless as that sounds I think it’s something we all need to remind ourselves.”  
Soobin and Beomgyu turned sharply to Yeonjun, pondering his statement for a minute.  
Finally Beomgyu spoke again,  
“Yeah I know. It’s hard to feel like it though. I’m not sure if I’m more scared of that statement being true or false. It just all seemed manageable a few weeks ago. But the more I got sick the weaker I felt, and now it feels like there’s nothing I can eat without upsetting whatever balance is left in my body. “  
The hyung’s shared a look of pity over Beomgyu’s head that they were careful not to show him. Slowly they both reached an arm out, crossing arms over Beomgyu’s stomach as if to soothe its near constant ache. Soobin twisted his plump mouth from side to side in a nervous tick, considering his next words with care.  
“Look Beomie, we can’t control it and that’s obvious. I think this whole experience has shown us that being in perfect form and able to perform is not something we can always guarantee to MOA or the other members. You know none of us would think to blame you Gyu, please don’t put that on yourself either.”  
Beomgyu’s mouth screwed up, his expression on the brink of sullen, responding with the sharpness that seemed to surround him these days. But as soon as the tension came it passed, his shoulders sagging a little under a weight he was too tired to try and carry alone anymore. His eyes sunk close again, and he twisted to nuzzle in slightly to Soobin’s cardigan covered shoulder.   
“Ok I’ll try”,came the muffled response.  
Soobin blinked owlishly at the back of Beomgyu’s ruffled hair at the unexpected surrender. He glanced across to Yeonjun, looking adorable flustered.   
Yeonjun just smiled, reaching out to pat Beomgyu’s back a few times and pull the covers back over Beongyu’s shoulder to make sure he’s comfy. He gave him an encouraging nod to Soobin, trying to convey his support, and prompt Soobin to take the next step.  
Message received, Soobin took a breath to settle himself, and resumed stroking Beomgyu’s hair in hopes of extending this calm atmosphere during his next statement.  
“Yeonjun and I were talking the other day about what’s been happening and-- “ Beomgyu stirred slightly, a protest building in his throat, which Soobin forcefully stifled by shoving Beomgyu’s face face into his shoulder. “no Beomgyu we weren’t trying to make decisions for you just formulate suggestions so calm down please.”   
When no further resistance emerged, Soobin continued,  
“Beomgyu I think we should try to experiment as much as we can to see what you can stomach. I know it will be hard but me and Yeonjun think there must be some stuff or combination of stuff that works for you and the doctor mentioned diet being key to gut health and--” “Okay.”  
Soobin paused. Okay? huh?   
“Okay?”  
Beomgyu snorted.  
“Yeah. Okay. I don’t mean to be rude here Soobin hyung but if you haven’t noticed I’m desperate than you’re a fool. It can’t keep going on like this, and no one knows that better than me. If hyungs think this could work then I guess the only way is forward. Besides I talked to Teahyun yesterday, and he already convinced me I needed to open myself up to solutions or I’ll really be stuck.”  
When Beomgyu lifted his head at the end of his statement, Soobin could see his whole expression. While there was a grimace on his lips, there was fire in his eyes, a determination, a gleam of bravery Soobin had always admired in the boy before him. It had been missing for too long, long enough for Soobin to forget who he’s dealing with.   
When Beomgyu had first started spiraling down it had showed in mundane ways. It wasn’t a dramatic cough of blood, or fainting spell like in the movies, just a slow deterioration of health and energy. Beomgyu ate less and less around the members, and when he did, he went to the bathroom afterwards more and more. He still practiced everyday with everyone, but he stumbled more, breathed harder, cut more corners on moments no one was paying too close attention. While Yeonjun and Soobin had kept their promise to keep an eye on him, the decline was slow enough that the drop never seemed obvious. It was actually Huening Kai that spoke up first, and perhaps that’s why Beomgyu never stood a chance of denying it.  
With a voice full of pure concern, and a face that scrunched in slight despair, Huening Kai took one look at Beomgyu almost collapsing on the floor after the midway point through practice, and said in a sad but steady voice,  
“What’s wrong Beomgyu hyung?”  
The room had been silent then, as the question basked in the open for the first time.  
Beomgyu had stumbled around it then, at first brushing off the question, and then putting up a defense as the other members joined in to point out the truth they saw.  
In the end it was Huening Kai again, with his ernest gaze and bare faced care, that asked the question that had been tucked away in several member’s mind’s since the start of the trouble.  
“Beomgyu hyung please tell us-- are you throwing up as part of a diet?”  
Beomgyu’s eyes had widened,  
“NO!” he screeched, “I would never do this to myself! Do you think I want to feel sick after every meal? To puke most of anything I put down my throat? I would never choose this. Not when I can barely fulfill my duty as a member of TXT. I know I’m not performing well with the limited energy I have left. You all know it too.”  
The confession had echoed in the mirrored room, and its repercussions had lasted longer than they had all hoped. Several doctors visited, and a few cloudy weeks later, Beomgyu had barely gotten better. Surviving off of plain food in small amounts, Beomgyu got enough to keep going in life, but not in his work. At this point it would take him awhile to gather the kind of strength he had a month ago.   
Soobin considered this as he watched Beomgyu sit up straighter, filled up not with hope, but conviction. He felt overwhelmed with emotion seeing Beomgyu pull himself up again, and the desire to support him anyway he could solidified in his stomach.   
Yeonjun’s eyes seemed to shine with a similar sentiment, which was confirmed by his next words.  
“I’m proud of you Beom. We are with you all the way.”  
Beomgyu ducked his head a little, a bit shy from the praise of a hyung he still deeply admired. He didn’t stop the little smile from creeping on his face though, and when he looked back up with his cheeks slightly flushed and the pearls of his teeth peeking out of a slight grin, he glowed like the sun peaking through the dense clouds of a summer rain.   
Soobin finally broke his gaze away from the sight to turn to Yeonjun, and when he caught his attention they shared a look filled with their own determination.   
They were going to do what they could to get this right again, and if they couldn’t then they would hold him every step of the way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again folks!! Less Huening Kai here than predicted, but I need to publish this before finals or it’s going to be another two weeks probably. Coming up: a bit more angst but also a bit more whole family bonding time. Also I hope the romance isn’t too subtle, I really like slow burns that kind of sneak up on readers as well as the characters, so I hope that your getting an idea of what their relationship will be founded upon in these chapters. Also I read on twitter that Soobin was Beomgyu’s first friend in training and he still considers him a friend he counts on so that really fulfilled my mother-daughter (lol) Soobin-Beomgyu heart, amen. See ya soon!


	5. It pushes forward.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They Figure Shit Out but not really...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all! New chapter finally and is this...... A hint of actual romance in my slow burn fic??! Lmao yes it is folks. I'm excited for the next scene of Soobin being adopted into mom club because I've had that idea since before I even decided to right this fic. Also a note: the spacing is a little different in this one because I read a fic with more pauses and I felt it made it more readable, so if theres a line gap it's not a time switch its just for emphasis and style. Anyway see y'all soon happy holidays!

At 1 the next day Soobin texted the other boys.  
“Meeting at 7 tonight. Be there losers.   
And yes, losers means you too Huening,   
you ain’t that special.”  
After the usual fanfare of teasing and Soobin attack hoursᵗᵐ in the groupchat, everyone agreed to the meet up time. 

At 7 they all huddled around the small table at the back of the dorm, where they usually ate breakfast and dinner together.   
All eyes were glued to Soobin, and the mood already felt sober.   
Heuning Kai gripped his fat cat plushie closer to his chest, pushing his chin into its fur and pouting his cheeks out.   
His policy:   
When in fear, find fluff.

Soobin bit his lip as he looked around at the nervous faces, clearing his throat three times before finally speaking.  
“Well it’s not a funeral folks no need for the gloom.   
We’re here to work through this mess. Together.”  
His voice grew stronger at the end, flashing a small grin at each boy around him.  
Yeonjun piped up from beside him,  
“ yeah we got a game plan guys! We’re gonna be just fine.”  
His usual boisterous cheer worked wonders on the slumped room, with Beomgyu straightening his back and Teahyun cracking a small smile.  
Beomgyu nods once to himself and pushes his hands flat on the table.  
“We’ve got this figured out boys. First we bring every food type in the world to me, starting with the good stuff, and pray I can only eat ice cream.”

“No beommie not ice cream first—“  
“I said what I said binnie give me ice cream or give me death goddammit.”  
“But the nutrition-“  
“So put an apple on my grave stone. if I’m still breathing I will be eating you- horse hoof, so give me ice cream that’s all I ask!”

“... I hope all you can eat is mint choco.”  
“ YOU TAKE THAT BACK YOU BIG BITCH YOU THINK HEIGHT MEANS YOU CAN FIGHT I SWEAR I’LL—“  
Yeonjun forcefully restrained Beomgyu, holding the squirming boy on his lap as tight as he dared.  
“I hope you know I’m only saving you in the name of mint choco’s honor binnie.”  
Soobin just gave an impish grin, eyes closing into a mischievous squint.   
“Not to bring the mood down again, but if we’re going to do this how should we start?”  
Teahyun’s question stilled the bickering for a moment, each head tilting a little.

Yeonjun hummed in thought, about to speak before another hum joined his. Then another and another, until they reached a crescendo and he shouted “toMoRrow By tOgeTheR” in a crackling voice.   
The rest of the boys broke into a chorus of laughter, the seriousness of the moment swept away as swiftly as always.

Still there was an agenda to be sorted and plans to be made, Soobin thought, so he started again,  
“So we’ve ruled out ice cream—“  
(Swiftly ignoring a grumbled “ you never like my ideas”, he continued)  
“ but maybe the best idea would be home cooked meals? We have to know the exact ingredients in something and maybe even how its cooked.  
It would be ideal if we cooked it ourselves even, since we can count on us keeping track.”

Yeonjun’s face could write volumes in unimpressed poetry.  
“Soobin who the hell is gonna cook all that? I’m an ok chef but I ain’t making Beomgyu's every meal, and unless all Beomgyu can eat is burnt toast than you all are an obvious pass on any help.”  
Soobin opened his mouth wide, then pursed his lips.   
“I’m not that bad junnie I could help.”  
The room was so silent you could hear a pin drop.  
and then:

Laughter.  
Gut wrenching, eye watering, knee slapping, snort inducing laughter.

Beomgyu gasped for breath, convulsing on the seat but determined to get out,  
“ Soobin a-actually thin-nks he can cooook.”  
Teahyun lifted his head from where he doubled over, took one look at Soobin’s shocked face, and buried his giggles into his lap once again.  
Yeonjun recovered the quickest, sobering up quickly once he saw Soobin’s pout take a turn towards the shakier side.

“Look Bin I know you want to help and that great it is it’s just— just—  
That’s the funniest shit you’ve said all year.”  
He ended it with an uncontainable giggle,  
then stared too long at Soobin’s angry dimples, and burst into another full blown laugh.

Soobin stewed in his outrage, letting it flow through him, sharpening his resolve for revenge.   
And nothing spelled better revenge than proving once and for all that he is a good and reliable hyung.

“Fine. Then I’ll take a cooking class and learn. And I’ll cook Beomgyu’s meals for him.”  
Beomgyu, blinded by a good time, stated,  
“Ok how about a bet! Soobin cooks all my meals for a week. If I don’t throw up after one of them then Yeonjun buys us all dinner.”  
Yeonjun blinked.  
“ wait huh how did I get put in—“  
“Deal.”

Soobin reached out and shook Beomgyu’s limp hand forcefully, his grin teetering on the edge of evil.  
Truly only competition could make a devil out of txt’s resident angel.

Beomgyu stilled, reality crashing into him, physically jolting him out of his seat.  
“Wait that… that means...I have to eat your cooking for a week.”  
Teahyun looked up with infinite apathy, sure in his knowledge that karma had won as it always does.  
“Yeah. For a week. That’s the deal you just made.”  
Beomgyu let out a nervous giggle scanning the room,  
“ well that was a good joke huh. Am I right?  
Am I right or what guys?? Huh?”  
Huening Kai’s smirk grew into a bright smile.  
“ I don’t know hyuuung~ to Huening you sounded pretty sure.”  
The greatest Evil always lurks lies under the mask of innocence.  
“Yeah Beomgyu a deals a deal huh? I know your not scared yeah??”  
Soobin’s smile was now fully twisted, his eyes glowing with a fiery passion.

A passion to watch those who wrong him burn.  
Burn to a blackened ashy crisp.  
...  
By his love for them.  
Of course.

“I mean we could just not—“  
“Shut up future meal payer...hyung, the deal has been sealed in blood.”  
“Who’s blood Huening kai? what the hell are you being so damn dramatic for?”  
“For the art of drama you pleb…  
hyung.   
And it’ll be your blood soon if Soobin’s glare means anything”  
Yeonjun peered over at Soobin’s face,  
And wisely kept his mouth shut.  
Beomgyu felt regret sink him into his chair, body sliding until his eyes met the cream colored ceiling.  
“What have I done. Burnt toast for seven days here I come.  
I’m gonna lay in an apple grave and haunt all you fuckers for the rest of my days. I swear I will never forgive myself for this one.”  
Teahyun watched it all play out before him, basking in the drama like a lizard in the sun.

“Maybe think before you speak hyung huh?”  
But his teasing didn’t last long.  
“Well maybe once a day you can all taste my cooking huh? How about we gather and eat dinner together as a proper family should?”  
Soobin’s suggestion halted the boys again, those with grins felt it slipping off their faces, as one particular boy arose once more.  
“I think that’s a GREAT idea binnie hyung. What do you say appa huh? Shouldn’t you we all eat eomma’s cooking like a good family?”

Yeonjun felt sweat drip down his face from the pressure from both sides, finally sighing and facing the fate karma brought against them all.  
“Yeah. Let’s all… support Soobin in his culinary quest and eat as a family.”  
The two youngest groaned, Teahyun’s usual maturity out the window at the prospect of losing access to good food.  
“Hyung pleeeaa~se can’t we just order take out?? We can ask to watch them cook it I sweAr!”

Not even Huening Kai’s desperate whines could sway Yeonjun though, and he quickly looked towards Soobin fixing him with a stern gaze and a pout of Yeonjun’s own.  
“But you have to really try ok? If I have to survive off of boiled eggs for a week I will cry and I will make you watch.”  
“Hyung I wiiilll~ I’m going to make you all the best food I swear!”

Disbelief was written on every face Soobin looked.   
Even Kai’s stuffed cat seemed to be giving him a doubtful glare.  
He sunk a little in his seat and crossed his arms with a tiny humph.  
“Just you wait. You fools will be begging me for more.”  
Huening Kai shook his head, letting his light hair bounce, and sighed.  
Some people really do live in a world of illusion.

Then Yeonjun spoke up,  
“Alright enough teasing-“  
Beomgyu’s mouth closed with a click  
“We have our game plan. Let’s start it… maybe next week? It’s 5 days from now so it should give us a bit of time to see how things settle without Soobin’s obstruction.”  
“It will be good I—!”  
“Ok Binnie ok, let’s just feed Beomgyu some normal ingredients first ok?”  
“Alright fine. The bet is on.”  
At that a slight gloom set over the table at the treacherous path they have set themselves out on, fear for both for Beomgyu and any others who might puke along the way of Soobin’s cooking adventure.

Soobin was sick of all this moping about over his soon to be excellent! Cooking and was quick to speak up.  
“Ok meeting adjourned get the hell out you brats.”  
All the kids quickly filed out, their minds already focused on video games and late night snacks,  
but Yeonjun remained seated.  
“Brats included you hyung please know that.”  
Yeonjun snorted loudly.  
“I got the hint Bin but I just wanted to say I really don’t know if I have time to teach you but I will help you out when you cook the first couple of times.”  
Soobin’s eyes got little wide, and his heart a little warm.  
“ oh. Thank you hyung. I think you being there at least the first two times would really help. “  
Yeonjun flashed his blinding grin once more.  
“Got it. Now this brat will scram.”

Soobin felt a twinge of guilt, even if it was obviously a joke, and hastily called out to Yeonjun as he began to move away.  
“Your not really a brat of course. I mean I call the kids that, really your...um my uh p-partner or husband or oh my God not that oh lord-d I mean—“  
Yeonjun’s loud laugh cut him short, and a quick thumbs up and a wink ended the embarrassing exchange.

Soobin pressed his fingers against his eyeballs, palms hot against his burning cheeks, and sunk slowly down his seat.   
In the calm room one could only hear the gentle wimpier of “god damn you Choi Soobin.”

Soobin tightens the white woolen scarf around his freezing nose and mouth, holding on to the improbable hope that it could stop the cold. It was the next day after the discussion, and he was walking down a calm Seoul street in the bright dawn of the day. 

He finally reaches the familiar red stained door of their favorite eatery and pushes into the warm spiced air, wandering over unconsciously to txt’s favorite table.   
By luck or by design it’s always empty before they get there, even in the usual meal time rushes.   
Sitting down Soobin is lost in thought, stuck on a recent memory, and he recalls the conversation he had just before he arrived.

He strode into the living room to collect his coat, pondering how the hell he was going to learn how to cook. Lost in this troubling thought, he hardly noticed Yeonjun until he almost bumped into him.  
“Oh hyung! What are you doing awake at this hour in the morning?”  
“I heard you get up from bed and I got a little worried. You don’t normally wake up until noon and you know it. So spill what’s got you up?”  
Soobin had really thought he had been sneaky.  
I mean he only dropped three things before he made it out the bedroom door…

“It’s really nothing hyung. I Just got hungry and… was thinking about cooking is all.”  
Yeonjun frowned, his face puckering as if smelling something potently unpleasant.  
“Soobin, normally nothing can really shake you like this. At least not just a stupid bet. What’s up?”

Soobin was hesitant to answer, a fear of overstaying his welcome to share holding his tongue still. 

“Well I mean it’s nothing, it’s just, I really do want to do well because Beomgyu deserves to have something good to eat if he’s going to have to deal with all the pain it will cause him, and everyone should really have a nice dinner after all we’re so tired after practice and I would hate to make something that disappoints everyone so much that they feel like throwing up and then maybe we will all become weakened and then maybe we’ll have to disband and maybe everyone will be sick and out of a job and all because I can’t cook linguine and maybe I’ll cry when I’m 40 thinking why can’t I hold a knife without bleeding because then I could have saved txt and—“

Yeonjun braced Soobin tightly against his body, practically shoving the air out of his lungs. His hands warmed Soobin’s nape, his fingers strong as they rubbed some of the tension out of his spine.  
Finally Yeonjun pushed back far enough to look at Soobin’s bright eyes.  
“It doesn’t need to be great. Just try your best and we’ll be grateful bunny.”

Soobin breathed in strongly, taking in Yeonjun’s comforting scent. It was always comprised of a certain musk that reminds Soobin of a forest after a long rain, earthly but fresh, mixed with a hint of washed out cologne or deodorant, followed by the salty scent of sweat.   
After practice the last scent normally dominated, but the first was also at its strongest, and Soobin always kind of liked that time. It came out when walking back from practice and Yeonjun would wrap an arm around his neck making him feeling secure in that moment on a warm night, still damp himself with sweat from hard work, and there held close by one he trusted most he’d smell it and—

And what was he supposed to be thinking about again?

Oh yeah— how to make sure Yeonjun knew that his massive self imposed burden was really no burden at all.

“Really hyung I get it. It’s not a big deal I just thought I’d clear my head and eat something good this morning.”  
Yeonjun’s gaze spelled “I’m unconvinced”, but he released Soobin from his hold nonetheless.  
However the second Yeonjun’s arms fell down he once again brung them up, moving to push his palm against Soobin’s cheek, massaging the skin with a gentle thumb.   
“Just make sure your having fun doing it too then. I can’t ask you not to worry, but I hope you feel good about doing it at least.”

Soobin felt something bubble underneath his skin, heat rising not only to his cheeks but in his whole body.  
It’s not the first, nor probably even the hundredth time, Yeonjun has comforted him with random rubs, but it dawned on Soobin now how intimate it could feel.   
It made him think about how Yeonjun always looks after him and the kids, and what a great husband he’ll make someday to someone,   
that person getting taken care of in little unspoken ways,   
and that person getting cute flirtations all the time,   
and that person getting affectionate rubs and pats,   
and Soobin getting those kind reassurances and light teasings that always helped a tough situation pass quicker--

and damn that didn’t help the heat on his cheeks now did it.

“Ok”,   
Soobin cringed from the slight crack in his voice but quickly let it go,  
“Well thanks for the advice hyung i really will try. I’ll see you soon ok?”  
Soobin already stepped away quickly, (perhaps even a bit too fast), and Yeonjun flashed him a confused glare he didn’t see before hearing Yeonjun’s goodbyes.  
“Yeah do that ok! See ya! hope everything tastes good bunny.”

Oh god does Yeonjun have to call him bunny all the time when they’re alone? When did this happen?   
Soobin really needs to pay attention more he means who wouldn’t be a little embarrassed by all this affection it’s not like he’s weird by being flustered right?

He tells himself that four more times as he slips on his shoes and runs out the door,   
but it doesn’t settle the bubbles that still fizz in his stomach. 

Soobin shivered from the lingering cold again, and ignored the contrary flush warming his puffed cheeks at the memory.  
“Oh Soobinie! You’re back!”  
He looked up, snapped from his thoughts by the greeting of their favorite ajumma.  
“What are you thinking so hard about Soobin huh? You look a little flush..”  
Panicking and scrambling to say anything but the truth, Soobin blurts out the other weight on his mind,   
“Well I made a bet to help cook for Beomgyu to see what he can eat, then convinced all my members to try my cooking. But they all think I suck at it and I’m scared they might be right.”  
The ajumma widened her eyes at that, she had certainly never heard about Soobin cooking, but she could imagine from his constant tripping it might be a struggle.  
Mulling it over carefully, she discovered a bright idea.  
“Well if you really want to give it a try me and a few friends get together every Wednesday night to cook together. I’m sure I could convince them to come around early and help teach you a couple things as well hmm?”

Soobin stills his restless fingers, and stares up at the ajumma in a mix of wonder and fear.  
“R-really? You guys can teach me how to cook ajumma?”  
She chuckled.  
“Well I make no guarantees but we sure can try. And please if we will be partners in crime now call me Soobyul-noona.”  
Soobin reaches out a hand, mind lighter with the reassurance of a helping hand, and they shook on it.

“I’ll be there Soobyul noona, you can count on that.”


	6. Two days of suffering too long

Soobin thought about the bet all day, everyday, for the past 2 days. 

He wasn’t sure how much Soobyul noona could really help him, but he would get down on his knees and pray for a miracle right there in her kitchen if he needs to.   
Yeonjun and the others have definitely noticed his anxiety, and he’s sure that the unusual lack of teasing these past days is their own brand of mercy on his poor anguishing soul. 

Unfortunately all this has done really done make him feel guilty,   
because now not only will his cooking suck, they had to go and be NICE about it beforehand so it won’t even feel like sweet revenge.   
Well if revenge is a dish best served cold than he’s pretty sure he can cook that. 

He sighed for the fourth time in the hour, his thoughts scattered and his mind rattled with the constant tension of anticipation.  
Finally Wednesday rolls round, lethargically passing him by so slowly he craves to jump through time.   
Even if the lesson he will learn from Soobyul is painful, there comes a time when a build up shakes through a person so long they can’t help but crave an any ending, even if it's just the impact of the ground after a long fall. 

Yeonjun has been sweet in his small ways as always, bringing him food when he forgets to eat, making him laugh when his mouth hurts to smile, sometimes just holding him-- silently, steadily, supportively.   
He had meant to avoid him he remembers, embarrassed by the flush that would follow in Yeonjun’s wake these days, but his presence feels like sunshine on his foggiest days, and he could never really stay away long.

Sometimes he felt like a plant, absorbing the light from other’s rays, hiding a little in the shade. Like a vine up a wall he lingers in the corners, attracted to the light but never leaving his wall.

In times when he felt more charitable to himself, he feels more like the moon.   
While it may need the sun to reflect, the moon’s light can be felt in times when the sun was long gone.  
In the dead of night, when the sorrowful and troubled mind wandered, it was only his rays that could reach them. While the sun may shine brighter, there are moments when only the moon can be one’s savior.  
In darkness you whisper your secrets to her that could never stand the light of day, and she shines for you and you alone, in the most particular way.   
Her beauty so luminescent it satiates your hunger to be seen, her shine like clemency on a wounded mind.

But like the Moon, he could not help but face his Sun, his brightly beaming boy,   
whose eyes flare with a fire and steps fall light as a feather.  
His presence is what lets Soobin shine, his own glow growing in the presence of Yeonjun’s dazzling heat.

There are moments, perhaps, where his rays burns too hot, where Soobin must turn his face away before his whole skin grows red, but he could never stay away too long before he craved the warmth once more. 

As he clamored over to the shoe shelf by the door, he pondered the second dilemma that had kept him up at night these past days-- is what he feels for Yeonjun normal?

Perhaps that's a poorly phrased question, he scolds himself, for it's not as if loving Yeonjun wouldn’t be normal.  
In fact, it really would be perfectly natural.  
Who could resist a nice fire on a cold and dreary day?   
Or comfort on a tired one?  
Well love is a big word, but perhaps not so big when he thinks that he already loves him openly as a friend.   
Is a hug so far from a kiss?

Oh God Soobin could not start thinking about kissing that’s really too much OH No No No,

And Where the Hell is his shoes?? 

God he must have been looking for hours, and really they need to organize this mess, I mean who just leaves everything out? and maybe he’ll just straighten up a little and---

“Don’t you have to go soon hyung? You’ve been staring at our shoes for 5 minutes now.”  
Soobin snaps up, startled to see Teahyun standing next to him with one eyebrow raised.

“Oh yes umm… yes well I’ll go now I guess, it's just this is kind of a mess you know?”

Teahyun peered down at the slightly crooked shoes sprawling across their tiled entrance.  
“Well I suppose… but you would have actually touch them to, you know, to fix them.”  
Soobin stared at his own socked feet for a moment, unsure of how to squirm away from Teahyun’s knowing gaze.  
Finally he heard a long sigh from beside him and braced himself for an eviscerating deep conversation.

“You don’t have to tell me anything Hyung.   
I’m not sure what’s so stuck in your mind but if it’s our comfort than please ease a little. None of us will die from a little bad food, and even if it ends up being a trial, we will come back from it stronger.  
Together.  
As we have overcome any other.”

Soobin looked down at his smart mouthed little maknae, who was always talking back with sarcasm on his tongue and wisdom in his soul, and swallowed.  
Swiftly moving to overcome any protesting, Soobin swept him up into his arms, holding on tight to his beloved brat of a child, who always dares to speak with his heart on his sleeve.   
Despite his anticipation no protests were given, Teahyun instead slumping slightly in his hold, breathing in Soobin’s comforting scent.   
Vanilla might be an odd scent for a man to some, but the members could only laugh when Soobin told them he wanted to smell like sweet bread. 

They stood in the hallway there for a minute, both taking in the comfort they didn’t know they needed from each other.   
The true reassurance that they were in this together.  
And if it does go wrong, then it isn’t the time for blame but care.  
Soobin let himself settle a little, to truly believe that the world wasn’t held on its axis by his worry alone for a moment.   
Taehyun let himself soak up the simple comfort for once, not overthinking everything to dissect every detail of each moment.

Teahyun spoke up from his position smushed into Soobin’s chest.   
“Hyung you know we love you no matter what.  
Come undercooked chicken, overcooked rice, and crunchy Kimchi we will love you.”  
Soobin sprung back and made a show of slapping Teahyun’s chest while blushing.  
“It will be GOOD!~ I’m about to learn from the best!! You’ll see all of you….  
And I love you all too bye.”  
Rushing out the door, Soobin located his shoes in a hurry, crashing into every other pair there, and fled the house with reddened ears.

Teahyun only sighed and looked down at the mess of shoes Soobin left in his wake with a fond glare.  
“Well NOW they need some tidying don’t they you clumsy giant?”  
He bent down to start straightening it with a quite grumble of “All height no brains that one I swear~”

Soobin arrived to the back kitchen door of the restaurant swiftly, and held tight for a moment to listen to the voices just beyond.

“Soobyul~~ who is this handsome little big boy who will be joining us huh?  
We haven’t let a man in on cooking night for 20 years and I thought we would be keeping it that way!”  
“Yeah Byul who could sway your firm heart huh? I swear a kitten couldn’t break you.”  
“Oh shut up you two! The poor boy looked like he was about to blubber right into my infamous green tea. I had to do something!”

At this point Soobin felt his stomach sink. So he was the charity case of the place huh?  
A puppy who can’t figure it out on his own that's fed a scrap or two.  
Well Soobin may not be a prideful person but even he thinks this might be a good time to head out, and let these ladies do what they want to without him burdening them.

He paused however, after hearing what comes next.  
“And he’s trying to do something good for a sick teammate right now and I respect that.   
He’s a good boy, a caring one.   
Even the other kids have taken to calling him eomma ever once in a while, and I dare say he’s earned it.   
A mother is there to give, she supports beyond her means and loves beyond her limits. That's the true power of a mother. And I can see that in that boy-- the ability to lead others when their lost, and to support when he has no strength left. Now I hope you girls aren’t too jaded to reject that.”

“Oh Byul we get it. We’re just teasing. We’re excited to see the boy we swear!”  
“Yeah let’s meet our honorary mum eh?”

Although it might be too convenient timing to pass off as coincide, Soobin takes that as his que to enter. With the confidence given by Soobyul’s last words, he knocks rapidly three times.   
The door swings open, and soon he’s greeted by three scrutinizing gazes. 

He observed back, taking in each woman’s stained apron, and long weathered hands.  
Suddenly he felt bare in his fancy supreme jacket and soft palms, tucking the later into the pockets of the former and shuffling his feet.  
“H-Hi My name is Soobin it’s nice to meet you.”  
He gave a deep bow, and when he flicked his head back up to check on each woman the sharp gazes have rounded, and flat lips curled.   
“Well he IS cute. I’ll give you that at least.”

Soobyul smacked her friend of 20 years and rolled her long aching eyes.  
“Aish Tokyun honestly. These are my girls Soobin: Tokyun and Yukun.   
We’ve been through a lot but that doesn’t mean if they give you trouble I won’t be willing to give them a whooping or two.”  
Tokyun scoffed and leaned in to Soobin, her long white hair streaming down her face as she turns.  
“Jeez boy, four month my elder and Soobyul still acts like my keeper hmm. “  
“That’s Soobyul unnie thank you very much brat!”

Soobin couldn’t help but break into a giggle fit at the argument.   
Some bickering never dies huh?  
Well he’ll be happy to correct Beomgyu now and forever too.

“They are funny with their petty fights huh Soobin? It never stops with these girls.   
You’ll be lucky to learn a single thing without the other telling you you're doing it all wrong.”  
“Oh shut it Yukun. Like you’re any better with your precious Tteokbokki recipe!”  
“I told you I boil it four and a HALF minutes, not four, and I’ll die saying it UNNIE!”  
“Ok huh sounds petty to me you--”

“ALRIGHT! Both of you enough! Soobin came here to learn not referee huh? You're scaring the boy for god’s sake!”  
Soobin shook out of his dizziness from all the back and forths, and managed to utter,  
“No no, noona I’m fine its just wow, you just all really remind me of my boys.”  
Tokhyun and Yukun just gaffed, while Soobyul looked on fondly.

“It’s true girls. I dare say those boys give us some competition for bickering. I’ve never heard the word ‘boomer’ until that Kai boy wouldn’t stop calling Soobin here it.”  
Soobin groaned, “Oh god noona no please. He acts like I’m 49 rather than 21!”  
The girls laughed sharing glances of amusement as Soobyul nodded with emphasis.

“Oh yes when it comes to jokes and the bill you are an ancient fossil wandering the earth, but when it comes to listening to advice suddenly you’ve barely lived longer!”  
Soobin laughed and nodded, swapping stories with the women of Dealing with Brats and Lazy Good for Nothing Husbandsᵀᴹ.

Soon they started the prep for the cheese tteokbokki, the dish they decided on since it seemed plain enough to maybe settle well with Beomgyu.  
The women included helpful tips for other meals as well, like how long to cook rice and how to chop various other vegetables for side dishes.  
Somewhere along the chatter and gentle instructions, Soobin relaxed enough to feel comfortable opening up to the women about his second problem.

“It’s not that I really think I like Yeonjun hyung that much.   
I mean he is kind, and caring, and supportive when I need it,   
but the idea of really loving him seems crazy.  
I mean he’s so loud, and annoying, and childish, and charming, and bright, and…   
wait was I talking about again?  
Oh yeah I don’t REALLY like him though I mean…”

Tokhyun put her hand firmly on his shoulder, joliting him so badly he splashed a bit of burning water on his hand.  
“Ah dear here run it under some cold water.”  
She led him quickly over to the sink and rubbed circles into his broad shoulder. 

“Listen this cool water might help with what I’m about to say Soobin, so I’ll just get it out there ok?”  
Soobin gulped, blinking slowly, and finally nodding.  
“Soobin, if I felt half as much for my first husband as you do for this Yeonjun fellow I would have saved myself a lot of problems.”

Soobin reeled back, stunned for a minute until he felt another hand on his shoulder, this time whipping around to see Soobyul giving him a tilting grin.   
“If I would of known the tension between you two had gotten that bad I would have been a better matchmaker.   
Who says next time you all visit Yeonjun gets a free tea leave reading huh?  
And it just so happends to say the love of his life is sitting across from him.  
Who would turn redder you think?”  
Soobin squealed, frantically waving his hand around.  
“Noona! None of that pleeease. Oh god I really am sunk aren’t I?”  
The cackling around him seemed to indicate so.  
And he didn’t need no damn tea leaves to tell him that.

As they finished up with minimal injuries, they all gathered around to try each other’s batch.   
Soobin’s was first up and he bit his nails as the women ate slowly.  
“Needs more salt.”  
“And a little more time cooked.”  
“I would have added the cheese earlier to melt it more.”

Just as he deflated, they all spoke up again.  
“Really much better than I thought though.”  
“I agree Yukun, I could probably even serve this and people wouldn’t complain.”  
“Hell I ain’t complaining! I’ll have another bite right now.”  
Soobin couldn’t help but beam at the end of their words, his smile gleaming in the light, reflecting off of every shiny surface.  
The girls just chuckled, and patted his hands gently.  
“It’s time to prove that good for nothing boy of yours wrong huh?”  
Soobin just ducked his head, and kept his wide smile. 

As they finished up with the final bickering over the best tteokbokki, (Yukun’s really did have the perfect texture, much to everyone’s chagrin while looking at her smug face),  
the women said their goodbyes and hunkered down and face the cold winds,  
barreling on for the prospect of a toasty home at the end of the journey.  
Just as Soobin began to gather his own long coat and scarf,   
Soobyul pulled him aside for a last word.

“Soobin I want to let you know that you’re a good kid.  
And no matter how the cooking goes, you are trying your best and your boys will see that.   
Or if not then you can call us and well heckle them for you.”

After Soobin let out a laugh at that, Soobyul paused a bit, a little more hesitant before stating,  
“No matter what Soobin just know.. Loves worth it.  
I know it’s scary, I know it’s exhausting, I know it hurts, but it’s worth it Soobin by god it is.   
Even with my Shuhong’s passing, and the pain it’s brought me, I have never regretted a moment we had.   
Not a second of joy should be traded for an ease of hardship, because true love is worth more than comfort.   
It’s powerful beyond our means Soobin.  
Sometimes I think love cannot really be a part of a human.  
But we have access to its beauty but a few times in our short life, and letting it pass by is a graver sin than letting it burn you out. I know with umm..   
With your kind of love it's harder in this world. But I hope you know it’s worth it.”

That's right, it’s ‘that kind’ of love isn’t it?   
The one shared between only men or only women,   
the one so many run from.  
Out of all the worries buzzing around his head, that hadn’t even really been one.   
But past the initial shock, Soobin absorbed Soobyul’s overall message as well, her testimony to the power of love touching his longing heart.

“Th-thanks Noona. I… I will try to keep it in mind. Thank you for everything.”  
Soobyul patted his cheek, and flashed him a tight smile and upturned eyes.  
“Go now child. And grow.”

Soobin bowed, and walked out in the cold once more, just another shivering being wandering in the night, searching for a little warmth.


	7. A man of the past meets a man of the future

The rest of the three days before the week of the bet had passed, and it was now time for Soobin’s big cooking debut.

Soobin felt the same nerves run through him as his former debut day. 

Beomgyu remained as sick as always, plain rice the only thing he could keep down even as he tried many different “real” food items as yeonjun described them.  
Soobin felt no inkling of smugness at that, NONE AT ALL.

Truth be told though any smugness, not that it existed of course, disappeared the moment he saw Beomgyu finally break down the previous night.  
Beomgyu had been being so strong up till then, fighting back sickness with smiles and dark jokes at his own expense, but it had been getting worse.  
Every night Soobin curled around him in the bathroom, tiles cold on his thighs and hands clammy where he holds onto Beomgyu’s heaving stomach.   
Each member comes in rotationally, most often Taehyun who used soft touches and sharp humour to keep Beomgyu content.  
Yeonjun sometimes comes in at midnight to relieve Soobin, and force him into his own bed to sleep while he takes his place behind Beomgyu, giving all the support they can through the warmth of their arms.   
He wasn’t sick all of the time, but the possibility lingered for long hours.

It had simply become too much.   
While Soobin and Yeonjun where both there stroking Beomgyu’s back, his heaves became sobs, and Beomgyu dissolved right there on the bathroom floor.   
His tears overflowed into whines and cries, desperate beyond words for relief.  
But mercy was not theirs to grant, and so Soobin and Yeonjun only held and shushed him as best as mere mortals could.  
Soon Taehyun and Huening Kai also joined in, and Kai’s charming comforts and Taehyun's gentle words joined the warmth.  
Beomgyu slowly calmed, but his wet breaths still rang loud in the hollow room. 

Now the next day Soobin was antsy to start his cooking as quick as he could, the desperate need to DO something spurring him on.  
As he got all the ingredients out he just stared at them, overwhelmed for a moment at the prospect of really doing this.   
He felt a soft touch on his waist, and turned to face a mop of blue.  
“You ready Binnie? You’re making tteokbokki?”  
Soobin took a deep breath, trying to calm his racing heart in front of his two biggest problems.  
“Yeah that’s what Soobyul-noona taught me. I wanted to make something simple like cheese tteokbokki in the hopes that he could stomach it for longer like plain rice.”  
Yeonjun nodded, pondering the whole set up for a moment.  
“Won’t you need some cheese for cheese tteokbokki though?”

Soobin looked down once, twice, and felt his eyes start to water.

“Oh my God! I’m so stupid.   
You all were right-- me cooking can’t solve this problem, god what was I thinking.”  
Yeonjun picked up on the warble in Soobin’s speech quickly, and began frantically soothing Soobin anyway he could, rubbing his arms and murmuring at him.   
“No Bunnie, no it’s ok! I’ll leave for the corner store right now ok? You only need it at the end so I should be back in time. You just get started and I’ll head out alright?   
You know Soobin-- you know?”  
Soobin quieted his sniffles, trying to nod nonchalantly and act like he wasn’t just two seconds away from a total breakdown.   
“Ok Hyung I know you can get it yeah… and I’ll be done by the time you get back.”  
Yeonjun held him by both his shoulders and stared into his glassy eyes,  
“You will. I know it. And I’m sure it will even be pretty edible yeah?”  
Yeonjun gave him a small grin at the end, and he did his best to return it even if it was at his own expense.  
“Got it.”

With that Yeonjun was out the door, Soobin could even hear his hurried footsteps outside the dorm. It was a little cute how hard he was trying to get Soobin what he needed to feel better.  
He turned around to face the tabletop once more, filled with renewed dedication, and began unbagging and chopping.  
He got into the rhythm, and soon enough he was almost done with the ingredients.   
As he watched the pot boil he heard the click of the door, and Yeonjun popped from around the corner with three types of grated cheese in hand.  
Soobin’s eyes crinkled at the sight, taking in Yeonjun’s panting breaths and clutched prizes.  
“I got it Bin! You ready for it?”  
Yeonjun’s smile was blinding, and Soobin quickly turned away to drain the water.  
“Yeah just about. Could you get the plates and stuff out?”  
Soobin felt Yeonjun approach and set the cheese down next to him.  
“Sure thing chef!”  
Soobin laughed but stopped abruptly as he felt lips peck the back of his neck.  
He whipped around face stunned and burning as Yeonjun giggled and twirled towards the plate drawer, humming to himself as he set things out.

Soobin finished up everything rapidly, never daring to look back again.  
As everything came together he called out,  
“Huening Kai! Beomgyu! Taehyun! Come on out dinner’s ready!”  
Taehyun and Beomgyu came quickly, looking surprised at the decent looking dish before them, but Huening Kai was still absent.  
Soobin walked into the bedroom to investigate and found him sound asleep, arms wrapped around a big plushie. 

Soobin’s face split into a grin, his hands clenched together and his eyes shining at the sight of his little angel sleeping so soundly.  
Huening Kai just looked so gentle-- wrapped in white linen and nose buried in yellow fur.  
He hadn’t even realised how long he had been standing there until he heard a chuckle behind him, and saw Yeonjun giving him a keen look from the doorway, legs crossed at the ankle and body backlit from the light in the living room.   
“You’re going to have to wake him up soon you know? Your precious tteokbokki is getting cold as we speak.”  
Soobin does his best not to pout, and sat on the bed next to Kai.  
“I know hyung~ I will jeez.”

Yeonjun just gave a soft laugh and turned to leave again.  
Soobin shook Kai’s shoulders as gently as he could, and leans down to whisper to him.  
“Huening~ wake up! It’s time for food. You love food yeah? So it’s time to wake up!”  
Kai blinked his eyes open, sitting up and rubbing at his droopy lids.  
Soobin cooed out loud, completely charmed by the display.   
He couldn’t help it-- he gathered Huening Kai into a strong hug and squeezed tight.  
“Hy-yung! Oof”  
Soobin let go reluctantly, but kept hold of Huening’s arm, tugging him in the direction of the kitchen.   
“Let’s go sleeping beauty it’s time to eat.”  
“I’m sleeping cUtie~ actually.”  
Soobin attempted a deadpan look behind him, but couldn’t keep a straight face.  
In the end they both got to the kitchen grinning like fools.

All the boys began eating, and Soobin held his breath a little at the first bite.  
He thought it was pretty good!   
Maybe not as good as the one Soobyul helped him make but… good?   
Yeah. good.  
He tried not to show his nerves as he looked up at the sound of an exclamation.  
“Oh! Bunnie this is really good!”  
Yeonjun’s eye’s disappeared as a full smile overtook his face, beaming at Soobin from across the table. Soobin looked down and giggled, shy under the approving look.  
He didn’t notice the stares of the others until Beomgyu piped up from beside him.  
“Yeah, well if you care about our opinions too BUnNiE~ then I like it as well.”  
Soobin flushed, chagrined at the dig to the new nickname, opening his mouth to speak before he was cut off by a voice from his other side.  
“Don’t call him that! Only Yeonjun- hyung calls him Bunnie. And it is good hyung really.”  
Soobin’s little angel smiled over and nodded at him after he gave Beomgyu that scolding, Kai taking another harty bite to show his appreciation.  
Soobin was grateful, and as charmed as always, but a little confused.   
Why would Huening think only Yeonjun could call him Bunny?  
“Yeah that's not a nickname for us. We should come up with something better.”  
Taehyun teased from across the way.

Okay well that’s interesting-- even Taehyun seemed to have caught onto something.  
“How’s the food settling with you Beom? Feeling okay?”  
Yeonjun’s question swiftly ended that train of thought, and Beomgyu slouched a little under the new scrutiny.  
“Good. Seriously it tastes good and I feel fine. Maybe Soobin’s touch is all I needed.”  
Soobin doubted it was that easy, as much as he wishes for it to be so, but he felt a little proud nonetheless.

“Maybe it’s just like mom says: you’ve got to cook with love.”  
Groans rang out all around at Soobin’s cheesy statement, but it made little dent in his toothy grin. The boys all began to tuck in once more, chowing down their food at their usual rapid rate.   
Soobin felt great satisfaction all throughout that night, lasting him until he prepared for bed.   
Better yet than his personal pride, he hadn’t heard Beomgyu in the bathroom at all!   
For once in a long time Soobin took a long shower in there, without worrying about someone being sick and needing it.  
For the first time in a month Soobin felt a glimmer of hope.   
Speaking of Beomgyu, Soobin hadn’t really seen him since they all climbed into bed…  
Where was he?

He rolled over and reached out to touch Yeonjun’s shoulder, who was playing some shooting game on his phone with a look of concentration.  
Yeonjun looked over to him and then back at his phone, before heaving a sigh and closing the app, since there didn’t seem to be a pause button for this one.  
Soobin widened his eyes a little, and pushed out his lips in worry.   
“Have you seen Beomgyu lately?”  
Yeonjun glanced over to Beomgyu’s empty bed, and scrunched his brows.  
“No but isn’t that a good thing? He wasn’t in the bathroom at all.”  
Soobin nodded, but his lips remained pursed.  
“Yeah but I haven’t seen him either. I want to at least check in.”

Yeonjun quickly agreed, and the two set out checking around the dorm.  
Soobin was looking through room after room, puzzled when he couldn’t find a trace of him. He was about to leave the living room to check the kitchen again, trying to fight the panic at the idea that Beomgyu might have left for some dumb reason, until he heard faint coughing from behind him.  
He glanced around baffled at the sound, until he looked at their closet door.  
Surely not, Beomgyu had no reason to be in there, but… well it didn’t hurt to check.

He approached the door and opened it peering in using the light of the living room to see inside.  
Soobin felt sick himself at the sight.  
There huddled around their mop bucket crouching in the dark and slightly shivering was his Beomgyu.  
His baby Beomgyu-- here suffering ALONE, in the DARK.  
Soobin scrambled into the closet, furiously whispering.  
“Beomgyu! What the hell are you doing in here? Why are you in the closet? Why are you using the mop bucket? What is WRONG with you?”

Soobin calmed his tone quickly once he gazed upon Beomgyu’s frightened and miserable face.  
Beomgyu looked down, hands slightly shivering.  
“You just looked so happy at dinner, so excited that this might help me. Everyone looked excited. I didn’t want you to feel like a failure just because I still got sick. The dish was good Binnie it really was!”  
Beomgyu turned to face him earnestly, and Soobin felt like his heart crumbled and fused itself back together again.   
How could Beomgyu be suffering so much and still think of only him?   
To the point of throwing up in a closet?  
Soobin felt overwhelmed by affection, saturated with adoration for this dumb boy puking in a cold closet.

Soobin launched himself onto Beomgyu, quickly gathering every part of him he could reach into an embrace.   
He dipped his head into Beomgyu’s neck, breathing in his light scent, and squeezed his eyes to try to chase away the wetness that was growing in them.  
Suddenly a shadow overcame them, and both boys unlocked enough to face the intruder.

“Soobin?... Beomgyu? What the hell are you guys doing in here?”  
Soobin blinked up at Yeonjun, before letting out a damp chuckle.  
“Beomgyu was being an idiot and trying to hide that he was still sick so he didn’t hurt us. It was probably the sweetest and stupidest thing I’ve ever seen.”  
Beomgyu pouted up at him, giving him a weak hit.  
“Heeey! Sorry I was trying to be kind to you for once in my life. I’ll make sure not to make a habit of it.”  
Yeonjun frowned at the sight, coming in to wrap an arm around both of their waists and help them stand.

“Your both idiots here in a dark closet. Let’s get to the bathroom and get cleaned up yeah?”  
This time Soobin whined, “Hyung! I was the one who found him so who’s really the idiot!”  
Yeonjun just shook his head, and lead them out until he paused by the doorway.  
“In all seriousness Beomgyu: please don’t try this again. We love you. Way too much to ever want to see you suffer without us, much less on our behalf. Even if tomorrow will be hard, we face it together. Don’t ever think otherwise.”  
The strong look he gave emphasized his tight grip on Beomgyu, and Beomgyu quickly nodded and ducked his head into Yeonjun’s shoulder as they began to walk again.  
Yeonjun just rested his check on his forehead, looking over his head at Soobin to share a fond look. 

That night after everyone actually went to bed, Soobin stayed up thinking about problem #1: Beomgyu’s sickness.  
He didn’t think about problem #2 at all.  
Not even about how fond Yeonjun had been looking at him all day, first when waking up Huening Kai and then with comforting Beomgyu.   
How that proud look made him glow a little inside, flush with a new confidence.  
Or how Yeonjun helped him out all day, really all month, well… really all year since they grew close. Maybe forever.

But he wasn’t thinking about it.

So anyway, problem #1: Beomgyu feels sick after eating almost any dish but plain rice.   
Perhaps he had been a bit foolish to think home cooking would solve it, after all it's not really that different than the food they buy.  
But maybe what they're missing is what's already there-- Beomgyu can eat plain rice.   
That’s one item he can eat.  
Maybe a whole meal is too much-- but what about another item?

The thought carries him to the grocery store early the next morning, buying three different items in bulk.  
He then got back to the kitchen and began to furiously cook.  
When the other members start trickling in, they look at Soobin’s dish with confusement.  
“Soobin-hyung… why is there a big thing of cooked Bok Choy in our kitchen?”  
Teahyun’s question was met with a sweeping gesture of Soobin’s hand, and a pointed look.  
“Listen-- Beomgyu can’t eat a whole meal right?   
But think about it, he doesn’t have to eat a whole meal to be okay. He just has to be able to eat at least something. SO-- let’s try them. One by one, each ingredient, until we can start making meals out of them. 

Beomgyu stared at the pile of green and white mush with growing horror, and then defeated resentment.  
Teahyun speaks up from his place next to Beomgyu on the right.  
“That’s not a bad plan… even if it does sound a little unpleasant.”  
Beomgyu spun around with a glare that held more sadness than anger.  
“A LITTLE unpleasant?? I’m eating cooked vegetables with only salt. Not even a variety of vegetables-- just one!”  
Soobin winced, and was reluctant to speak up with the news he was bearing, but felt obligated to say something.  
“Wellll… actually I figured we couldn’t rule out salt either. So… there’s no salt.”

Beomgyu’s eyes bulged out and his mouth hung open, until totally resigned to his fate, he collapsed back into his chair.   
Suddenly a hand reached out for the spoon in the bowl, and Yeonjun began to dish out a heap into a smaller dish.  
Beomgyu just watched as the dish was placed before him, and heaved a big sigh.  
Before he could do anything further however, Yeonjun began to make another dish.  
Setting the bowl in front of himself, Yeonjun picked up his chopsticks, and ate a piece of the soft vegetable.  
“Thanks for the food.”  
He says simply at Soobin, still smiling.

He glances around, seeing the stunned faces around him.  
“What? If that’s what Beomgyu has to eat than that’s what I’ll eat too. Obviously I’ll need something else to keep me going, but I’ll at least have a bowl with him. We’re in this together.  
And really it’s not so bad! Think about when we get to have a whole bowl of meat! Or a bowl of seasoned rice. That will be nice.”  
With a bright smile and a determined look, Yeonjun picked up a second bite.

And so Teahyun and Huening Kai also picked up the bowl and served themselves, looking reluctant but inspired, and Soobin did as well, still feeling a little shocked.  
How did Yeonjun always do it?  
How did he always clamour through this world with so much determination, so much force, always looking ahead and pushing himself farther?

Soobin was a man of the past. He dwelled in the land of memories, always nostalgic for younger days, always content to be right where he ended up.   
In some ways that was his strength-- he always stayed grounded, aware of how he got where he stands now, sure of his feet because he was sure of his past.  
But in other ways that was his great weakness.   
He shook at the thought of what the future could bring, so scared of the changes to come he can’t help but cling to the past.

But Yeonjun was fueled by the promises of the future.   
Always striving, always forging on, always sure of a brighter tomorrow, Yeonjun lived life thinking of the next day, week, year.  
In times when the recent past has been rocky, this belief in a better tomorrow thaws the coldness of the harsh reality of today.   
He doesn’t look back, he doesn’t dwell, he takes a step forward, and inspires them to follow him. 

But maybe that’s his weakness too. So focused on pushing on, he often leaves things behind, and forgets lessons that need to be remembered.  
Yeonjun can be thoughtless at times-- his ambition can leave him short sighted.

Perhaps they balance each other out in that way. He looks back and reflects on the past, and Yeonjun looks to and leads them into the future. Together, they can cover today.

All the boys finish their bowls with minimal complaints, and they begin to get ready for the day.   
Before they gather to go, Soobin pulled Yeonjun aside for a minute.  
“Hey, I just wanted to say that… um-- it was really admirable what you did today. Thanks for sucking it up and eating with Beomgyu. I think it made him feel a lot better to share the pain a little.”  
Yeonjun smiled up at him, placing a gentle hand onto Soobin’s neck and rubbing circles into the skin there.  
“Thank you Bin for all you’re doing. You’re trying so hard to keep going and I know it’s difficult. But I wanted to say that I'm proud of you for being there for everyone every step of the way.”

Soobin warmed at those words, and giggled into his hand while smacking at Yeonjun’s shoulder.  
They simply looked at each other for a while, an unspoken tension building as neither said a word.  
Soobin swore he saw Yeonjun glance and his lips, and he realised right then and there that he REALLY wouldn’t mind if he had to deal with problem #2 right now.   
Was it too much to think that he was a bit special to Yeonjun too?  
That those long and fond looks, those special praises, that extra affection could… mean something?  
He now realized that he’s been staring at Yeonjun’s lips for at least a minute now himself, and looks down quickly.  
He feels the grip on his neck tighten and--

Beomgyu bursted into the room shouting,  
“What the hell are you guys doing we’re gonna be late??”  
Beomgyu looked at the scene in front of him, blinks a few times, and his face twists immediately into regret.   
“Wait…”  
Yeonjun sighed and gave out a tired laugh, and dropped his hands from Soobin’s nape.  
Soobin feels his stomach sink at the loss, but straightens himself out valiantly.   
“Alright we’re coming. You feel up to a little dance practice today Gyu?”  
Beomgyu startled from where he was frozen by the door as Soobin follows Yeonjun and they walk past him.  
He rapidly caught up, now pulling at both their arms back towards the room.  
“No, no wait I can tell them you need a couple minutes! We can go back and I can leave and and…”  
Yeonjun just snorts and pulls Beomgyu along until they reach the other two boys who look ready to head out.  
“Come on little (Cupid) it’s time to go.”  
The middle word was in English, so Soobin didn't understand, but it’s obvious by Beomgyu’s pout and Huening and Taehyun’s raised eyebrows that the rest do.

He was a little put out at being left out of the loop, even more so when Beomgyu pipes up and says, “Now we are all going to have to pull a damn (Parent Trap).”  
Not understanding the last words, but having a distinct feeling the Yeonjun and him were the butt of the joke, Soobin begins to walk away from the group towards the door.   
The only thing he hears behind him after that is a soft thump and whiny “Hyuuunng” from Beomgyu.


	8. Today one step

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey so a bit of change: I don't have quite as much content as I thought so this is kind of wrapping up but it will continue from here! I have one more real chapter and then an epilogue planned so that should be coming soon hopefully and then we're done! I'm sad to see it go but a little happy to be done haha. I am proud of what I wrote though since it contains a lot of my real thoughts I've had about TXT and Yeonbin's relationship together, so I hope you can see the genuine thought in it all too. See you next time!

Beomgyu could now officially eat 4 things: Bok Choy, rice, plain noodles with oil, and small amounts of pork belly.  
While this alone was a positive step from their first trial three days ago, there had been some failures along the way as well.  
Beef intestine is out, tuna made him sick all day, and tomato sauce was gone for good. Beomgyu saluted these fallen soldiers, and would mourn them for many years to come.  
But today was a day to be remembered for all his life-- if he would even be willing to go on if things went wrong here.  
It was a crossroads, a turning point, a moment where it all held on a single string.  
Today he would try Kimchi.  
Some might think he was overreacting or trying to be dramatic, but was more than a food, it was part of his identity. If he can’t eat Kimchi then every meal he would either have to explain his situation to whoever he was with, or suffer the consequences of an unhappy body.  
And it just felt like too much to give up this-- this cornerstone of every meal.  
He sat at the table stomach already turning, mind pacing at the edge of a cliff one step from a dive into despair. He glared at the chipped white surface of the table rather than the bowl full of food in front of him, and let out an unconscious sigh.  
A rub on the back of his neck made him look up at his blue haired hyung, whose eyes dripped with warmth as they gazed down at his sullen face.  
“You’ll be ok Beom. What Korean stomach would reject Kimchi? By the end of today you’ll be eating jars of it promise ya.”  
Beomgyu felt an ease of his tension at his hyung’s cheerful words, although whether it was because of desperation or true faith in his hyung's words that lead him to believe him so readily he couldn’t say. Slowly he wrapped his tanned fingers around the slick painted chopsticks, holding one slice of fermented cabbage up to his lips.  
Deep breath-- and bite.

The flavour was nostalgic, like hugging a friend you didn’t realise you missed. It was his childhood, full of summer sun and lunch boxes prepared by his mom. It was his teen years at the company, exhausted and trudging home to order late night snacks in secret. It was a taste he thought permanent in his life, just like his health. Never did he suspect in his past that it might all be at risk-- the life he knew and the life he thought laid before him.  
He was a healthy young boy. He was a member of TXT. He was an idol. He was a korean who ate Kimchi.  
And what might he be now?  
Sickly? A drop out? A freak who never ate Kimchi?  
His very identity was shaking, and he felt like he was holding onto each piece by his fingernails praying it would come together again.

But he would never know if he didn’t try, so he took another step forward on whatever path life was prepared to give him, and put his faith in the fact that no matter what those he loved would be one step behind him.  
As he chewed he didn’t notice the anticipation surrounding him, nor the eyes glued to his expression.  
Huening and Taehyun leaned closer, and Soobin and Yeonjun linked hands under the table.

“How is it Beom?”  
Finally Beomgyu’s eyes turned up and he shrunk under the scrutiny on him.  
Did they all have to hover so close? He felt like a worm under the sharp gaze of a group of swallows.  
“I’m fine so far. Obviously we are nowhere close to knowing if this is going to be fine for me all the time but… yeah so far so good.”  
Soobin reached out towards him, long fingers holding his own slightly shaking hand with tenderness. His nails looked perfect and trim were they dug into his skin, Soobin’s voice sharp through the fog of anxiety swirling in his head.  
“Breathe Beomgyu. You will get through this. We all will.”

Suddenly Yeonjun’s arms were around his middle, gently pulling him up and out the kitchen to the sofa. A blanket found its way across his shoulders, and Yeonjun leaned harder into his back until he was curled up with Yeonjun behind him.  
Then came Soobin arms around his neck, Kai’s hand rubbing his belly, Taehyun’s head on his shoulder. Everywhere he looked the members pressed in, quietly crushing him with affection. They just sat, twisted into a lump, bodies breathing the morning air together.  
Their heat stalled between them, and only warmth could be felt in their tight hold of each other.

Beomgyu didn’t feel any sicker in the next few hours, and he is man enough to admit that he cried a little in the bathroom were he was sure none of the members could hear.  
His red eyes however told them all they needed to know.  
That night was filled with hope, a tangible energy to push on in the air.  
Suddenly the cruel twists of fate seemed to calm just a little, and the path that was so up in the air felt solid again.  
They were Tomorrow by Together, and together they would see the new tomorrow.  
As they prepared for bed they naturally gravitate to each other, drawn in by the desire to confirm their own fate by holding onto another.  
Their grasps were tight, and their eyes reluctant to shut for the first time in months.  
No longer did they run to their dreams to escape the day, but now sat with each other in silence, absorbing the presence of comfort once more.  
The awkward avoidance of the truth, the stilted talk about what the future might be, the crashing and the picking up of each sharp piece, it all seemed so far away from the possibilities that lay in today.

Perhaps it was that force, that breathless possibility of more in the air, that led Yeonjun to do what he did the next morning.  
He had asked Soobin to hang back to talk about everything, which he did intend to do, but even he couldn’t deny the other idea forming in the back of his head.  
Soobin looked sweet standing at the door in the honey early light.  
His hair was a bit ruffled, although obviously tamed from its initial frenzy earlier this morning. His plaid pajama pants cut right before the ankle, as he always struggled to find his right size. Where then, did he get a sweater large enough to be oversized Yeonjun wondered? The mysterious item kept its secrets well, with no brand logo insight, only a ‘Now is the time to wonder’ scrawled in dark pink lettering across its front.  
Slowly Soobin approached the bed, joining Yeonjun on laying down on the bed after batting off an old pair of pants scattered on his spot.

“I’m here to talk about everything like you asked hyung. Anything you want to start with?”  
As always, Yeonjun thought, Soobin starts with an offer to listen.  
Always open, supportive, willing to stand with you in the rain, that was his Soobin. Sweet would be an insult. He is not sugary, full of empty energy which only gives you a toothache in the end. No Soobin is giving. He is an apple tree in your backyard, who gives you fresh fruit every season, whose trunk you can lean on, whose leaves cover you come rain or blazing sun.  
And Yeonjun wants him in his life for many seasons to come.

“To start I just wanted to comment on how well things are going for Beomgyu and how this might really mean we have a solid future now, but after I’d like to talk about something that’s been bothering me for a long time.”  
Soobin’s eyebrows creased together obviously worried about what could be a big issue, but he seemed to put that aside for the time being and smoothed his face back out.  
“Yes I’m so pleased about how things are turning out for Beomgyu. He has started dancing almost half the practices now, although I’m worried some of the energy might be a bit more of his determination than genuine recovery.”  
“Yeah Beomie is too stubborn for his own good. But I can’t lie seeing that fire back under his ass is refreshing to to witness after its long absence.”  
Soobin sighed and turned to face Yeonjun, scrunching his nose as he thought.  
“That’s true of course. Dare I say I’m almost ready for him to start running around trying to steal any of our food again. Although… ah. I guess that might actually never happen even if he does get energy.”  
Sensing Soobin’s impending sadness, Yeonjun was quick to try and make no big deal out of a unfortunate reality.  
“Oh please a stomach ache isn’t going to hold that boy back Binnie! You better watch out before he’s snatching your pork right from your chopstick.”  
Soobin just gave a tight smile, and worked to move on.

“Well overall there is little to complain about. I mean Huening Kai still leaves his towel on the floor and you still can’t close a cupboard to save your life but other than THAT mess…”  
Yeonjun was quick to slap at Soobin’s chest, watching as Soobin’s impish smile finally breaks free into a full grin.  
Soon both boys started leaning into each other, faces pressed into the other’s chest, giggles muffled by each other’s skin.  
They just breathed the other in, taking in their shared scent of detergent and musk, and each boy’s unique warmth.  
Sensing that the time was right, Yeonjun made his first step on a path he hoped would be long one, and sat up.

Yoenjun gazed down at Soobin, watching him with anticipation.  
Soobin stared up bankly, eyes darting across Yeonjun’s intent face, looking for a meaning in the expecting stare boring into him.  
Slowly and simply Yeonjun leaned down, succinctly placing his lips onto Soobin’s own.

The pressure was light, but the sensation overwhelming.  
Soobin felt breathless with the marvel of something new, yet noted that this felt more like the completion of a path he hadn’t realized he was walking on, rather than an unexpected turn.  
He pushed back with enough pressure to make his consent clear, but was too heavy with uncertainty to move any farther.  
Luckily Yeonjun read his intentions right, and pressed a gentle hand to his jaw to tilt his chin softly upwards.  
His thumb stoked calmly along the smooth swell of Soobin’s cheek, paying special attention to the slight dimple in the middle. His waved hair fell onto Soobin’s face, tickling lightly at its edges.

Their lips nudged further together, Yeonjun massaging his mouth against Soobin’s notoriously pouty lips. Soon the sensation grew more slick, and their breath grew shorter, the warm puffs of air caressing each other’s faces.  
Soobin raised his hand on instinct to push away for air, but dropped it to twist around his own shirt when he caught the movement.  
Soon enough though Yeonjun pulled up naturally, seemingly in slightly better shape than Soobin.

After a moment of calm, Yeonjun moved in to press a firm but quick kiss once again, then simply smiled down at Soobin, giving him a bashful but tender look.  
Soobin gave a small but sure smile back, and grew increasingly shy. 

Soon Soobin could feel a flush creep up his face and he turned his head into Yeonjun's resting shoulder, palm coming up to cover a damning red ear.  
Yeojun let out a small giggle, pinching and rubbing the part of Soobin’s ear still exposed.  
“Cute~”  
Soobin just hid further, tucking in as far as he could to Yeonjun’s shoulder.  
“What was that hyung? Why did we… I mean you-- or-”  
Yeonjun wrapped his long arms around Soobin’s neck pressing him in tighter, and allowing his own flushed face to be hidden as well.

“Isn’t it a little obvious Bunnie? I care for you. I-I… like you as more than a friend. Or maybe just a bit different than a friend.”  
Soobin swallowed, trying to process not only his own feeling but also Yeonjun’s. Ever since his trip to Soobyul’s kitchen he had come to be on better terms with his own feelings, but even that knowledge and certainty of his own feelings had never meant he really thought they would get together. He supposed this was his weakness showing, his love of the past sticking him firmly on the ground, never reaching for the possibility of something new if it meant risking what he knew he already had.

“Soobin? Is umm… something wrong? Cuase we don’t have to actually do anything you know we can just forget all about it!”  
The confidence the kiss gave Yeonjun had obviously evaporated, and suddenly he looked much younger now promising Soobin they could forget it all. And maybe Yeonjun could-- after all that’s his weakness. Moving on too quick-- stepping forward but never looking back to sure up his present. He could live on tomorrow-- even if that meant he was miserable today. But Soobin couldn’t- he wouldn’t.  
His hyung had taken them one brave step forward, now Soobin would solidify their step.  
So he smiled.

Bright, stable, full, overwhelmingly he grinned at Yeonjun.  
“I could never forget. I never will. How can I not look back at the first step of our time together Yeonjun?”  
He leaned in, not allowing a slip of hesitation in his approach, and stared into Yeonjun’s slitted eyes as he sealed their lips once again for a lingering moment.

When he parted them and gazed on Yeonjun’s face again, he saw Yeonjun’s whole face crinkle up with a grin, and felt warm as their hands entangled.  
“Ok Bin. From today into tomorrow, let’s hold onto each other.”  
Soobin grinned back just as fiercely, just as sure of their place together.


	9. The clock strikes the end

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is pretty much it! I'll post a short epilogue of some cute moments after this but it will probably be pretty short so this is the last full chapter. Hope you all like it! I'm proud to have almost finished :).

The whole of TXT found out about their relationship in 5 days.

Well more like Taeyun figured it out day 1, then finally let Beomgyu know so then they all could join in on the teasing. Their reactions were mixed: Teahyun with his small knowing smiles, Beomgyu with his desire to throw them a whole party because “Finally you idiots!”, and Huening Kai with his… silence.   
He had congratulated them initially, but both Hyung’s noticed his slight stiffening whenever the subject matter was brought up. He didn’t seem uncomfortable or disapproving really- if anything he had an air of nervousness. 

Soobin and Yeonjun debated long and hard on what to do and how to approach him about the sensitive matter. Soobin insisted that Kai and him had always been close, and he could comfort the boy if he needed it. Yeonjun argued that he knew Kai best, and if something was bothering him he would figure it out and fix it.  Eventually Yeonjun agreed to be round 2, and to only intervene if Kai’s initial talk with Soobin goes south. 

Soobin had the timing worked out perfectly: first he texts the group chat a reminder that Yeonjun owes Taehyun and Beomgyu ice cream because of the bet he lost last week playing mario kart. Then he teases Yeonjun that it’s time to pay up so it seems like he’s trying to hold him accountable to his promise, and then Yeonjun and the other boys immediately agree to head to the parlor three blocks down. Finally Kai and him are left alone in the dorm, and they can talk. 

So like any good plan it all goes to shit. 

Yeonjun is too convincing in his petulance, and Taehyun ends up trying to let him off the hook. After Yeonjun convinced them that no he really DID want to take them out and fulfill his promise, Huening Kai insisted on joining even if he had to pay for his own ice cream. Tired of the whole mess, Soobin butted in and insisted that Kai shouldn’t go because this trip was supposed to happen without him, causing Kai to only reply with a sullen “fine”. 

Now he was full of guilt over pushing too hard and making Kai feel excluded, and frustrated with both himself and the universe who wouldn't let him communicate with his precious Maknae in peace. The only thing allowing him to hang on right now was the goodbye kiss Yeonjun let linger on his lips, and the soft reassurances he gave him. 

“No one can help Kai through his struggles like you Binnie. Don’t worry too much and just be honest yeah?”

With these words tucked close to his chest, Soobin knocked lightly on the door as he entered their messy bedroom and glanced around for Kai’s bright presence.

There with his messy brown hair peeking out from a neon green hoodie was Kai, bundled in what looked like at least three blankets. The sight made Soobin audibly coo, the little burrito of a boy looking at him with wide eyes. 

“How are you doing Ningie? I’m sorry I didn’t let you get ice cream. I just wanted the boys to get their originally promised time together.”

Kai looked at him with a bit of caution but still nodded, seeming to understand his point but also looking at him with a bit of anticipation. 

Soobin supposes it’s fair considering he almost always would apologize through a quick text for something this small, and he figures he should get on with his real purpose instead of looming in the corner. 

“Well Ning I guess… I know this is a bit awkward but um… I just wanted to check in with you about how you feel about Yeonjun and I’s relationship. It’s not that you’ve been weird or anything you just seem-- I’m not sure maybe uncomfortable? I just wanted to chat a little with you but you’re not in trouble.”

He added the last part in a rush after seeing the tension creep onto Huening Kai’s face, his need to reassure the boy strong. 

When his words didn’t seem to rully do the trick, he took to wrapping his arms around Kai’s torso, squeezing him until there could be no doubt left in his body that Soobin still wanted him by his side. This was a conversation between two people who loved each other, and he hoped they could begin with the promise that that wouldn’t change no matter what. 

Family was the assumption of care, and he never stopped caring about Kai. He never would.

Finally Huening’s fingers clutched the back of Soobin’s own sweatshirt, and the rest of his body began to loosen. 

“It’s not that I’m not happy I’m just… scared.”

Soobin carded his large fingers through Kai’s long locks, taming their many split ends, and tried to keep his voice as gentle as he could.

“Why are you scared? What are you fearing sweetheart?”

Kai took a deep breath and answered in a quiet voice.

“I love you both way too much to ever choose between you. I’m happy you are together but that also means that you can be apart. What would I do if you never wanted to see each other again?”

Soobin paused in his movements, processing Kai’s worries and weighing what he should say next to address them.

“Kai no matter what we aren’t going to let this affect the group. I know neither of us can control our emotions, but we can choose our reactions to them, so please have faith in the fact that our love of all of you and our team as a whole is always going to lead us to put our differences aside when it comes to all of you.”

Huening pulled up from Soobin’s chest looking him firmly in the eyes.

“Okay. I can have faith in that hyung- I always have.”

Soobin felt his eyes glisten at the strength of Kai’s voice as he uttered this statement, and the steel of his faith in his warm eyes. 

Staying in a group is always a choice, and Soobin would keep making it every morning. 

“I love you Ningie. What do you say we go eat some mint chocolate ice cream?”

Kai simply returned his large grin. 

  
  
  


It had been looking up since then. A couple more items were added to the Beomgyu’s-grumpy-stomach-approved list (Seaweed, cheese, pizza with pesto) and Beomgyu felt a little more alive everyday. And Huening Kai seemed settled with the change in group dynamics, as evidenced by his purposely poorly drawn “family tree” on the fridge with his ‘Boomer parents’ up top standing hand in hand. Yeonjun and Soobin were more and more hopeful everyday, and soon as their burdens lightened they became increasingly enraptured with each other. 

One morning they were lying on the couch facing the rising sun together in peaceful silence. Soobin lay on the outer edge, squinting at the creeping light shining through the window.

Yeonjun lay behind him, pressed almost fully against his back, one arm lazily hung around Soobin’s middle and another squashed under his head. Yeonjun’s fingers danced out a restless rhythm on Soobin’s stomach, twisting and turning in lethargic spurts of movement. Soobin heard a hum from behind, before a pair of lips was pressed gently against his neck. While the sensation wasn’t totally foreign these days, it conveyed a certain intimacy that was still a bit alien to Soobin.

Yeonjun messaged his chosen spot thoroughly, slowly moving upward to the juncture of Soobin’s chin and neck. As Yeonjun tilted in to suck gently, his teeth clamped down lightly.

Soobin gave out an unconscious squeak, and then a soft moan.

Both boys froze, unprepared for the unexpected feeling rising within them at the exchange. While they had been learning to play the game of love, they were both largely unsure of their desire to reach its logical end. And this was a step that had a tone of transformation, one that cannot be easily undone.

After the initial shock Soobin began to slowly but surely curl inward, biting his lip and tucking his head into his slightly shaking hands. 

Yeonjun was startled by the movement, quickly reacting to the tension he could suddenly feel from the boy in his arms.

He tightened his hold, and leaned down to press his cheek on the side of Soobin’s head.

He spoke quietly, his mouth close to Soobin’s scarlet ear.

“Hey it’s ok. It was fine Binnie— it was cute. Really it was cute!” 

Yeonjun strokes his hand up and down Soobin’s chest, hoping the repetition would steady the leader’s slightly panicked breaths.

When Soobin relaxes just slightly he grumbles out from beneath his long fingers,

“It wasn’t cute. it was embarrassing~”, ending his sentence in a long whine.

Abruptly Yeonjun halted his strokes, and lifted his hand to pry a couple of fingers away from Soobin’s face. 

Satisfied with uncovering at least one eye (even if it still wouldn’t meet his own) Yeonjun steeled himself slightly, and decided to plunge forward with condor.

“No it wasn’t cute. It was kind of fucking hot.”

Soobin snapped his eyes to Yeonjun, staring in disbelief at his candid expression. 

Suddenly the light flush that had been fading on his face crept back up with a vengeance, practically burning his face.

“Yeonjun! Hyung I mean…”

Despite the lack of interruption, Soobin couldn’t help but leave that sentence incomplete, his toes twitching and fingers curling in the face of the blunt honesty just given to him.

It’s not that he disagreed per say, but to admit it meant thinking about himself in a way he never fully experienced before. 

It felt like watching actors play out a scene, and then being suddenly called up on stage. 

He couldn’t help but feel like he wasn’t ready for this role.

Still, just like with any change in life, discomfort was a necessary stage of growth. While he wasn’t fully prepared for the reality before him, he knew it was a step he had to take to develop into who he wanted to be, and the relationship he wanted to have.

And really, although he was hesitant to admit it, a part of him was alight with excitement at the possibilities that lay ahead.

Soobin opened his mouth to say something of the sort, but failed to gather the courage to actually make a sound.

After a few seconds of watching Soobin flail, Yeonjun simply smiled fondly and tucked himself back behind Soobin. 

He pulled him in tighter than before, and gave a sly peck to the back of his flushed neck. He softly chuckled away any lingering nerves, and pressed his forehead against Soobin’s silky ink hair. His face split with a fox-like grin, eyes squinting in amusement. 

“No need to speak bunnie. Seeing you flustered is more than enough~. Have I ever told you you're cute when you blush?”

Yeonjun had, in fact, told him he was cute when he blushed, but the tone was normally quite different. 

And he certainly had never called him a pet name like Bunnie as he said it! 

Soobin felt a surge of embarrassment that he quickly channeled into indignance. 

He squirmed slightly in Yeonjun’s grip, rising up a little in rebellion, although limiting any real resistance when breaking free would mean staring Yeonjun in the face. And oh lord that would be the end of his I’m-not-that-embarassed act. 

“HyUng! Since when the hell are you using stupid pet names like ‘Bunnie~’ all the time? Gross!”

Yeonjun just snorted loudly, rolling his eyes at the petulant display. He simply tightening his hold, and let his slight smile broaden to a grin. 

He pressed his face again into Soobin’s neck, breathing gentle puffs of air onto the warm skin. 

“Well things have changed a little huh Baby?”

Even Yeonjun couldn’t say the last word without a small giggle.

Soobin felt flabbergasted at the brazen nature he was discovering in his hyung. Sure he was always playful and touchy, but was he always this big of a FLIRT? 

(He was.)

Ugh. Shameless. 

Gross. Right. Stupid and Gross. Gross gross gross and Soobin meant that. Totally. Oh god.

With his mind in a bit of a tizzy, and with the pressure to push back mounting inside him, Soobin thought very little before blurting out,

“Well you better not be expecting for me to call you Oppa or something.”

Once again both boys stalled a little, processing the implications of what had just been said.

Yeonjun blinked widely twice, then exploded with laughter, fueled by the conflicting feelings of chagrin and thrill running through him. 

There was something particularly jarring about hearing a statement that would once be a complete joke said somewhat seriously. 

Soobin jolted once Yeonjun’s loud laugh pierced the air, and spent only a few more moments in shock before he too was burying loud giggles into the palms of his hands. 

They were a complete mess, a discord of laughter erupting from both of them at a feverish volume. 

Even as it died down one would giggle a little more, setting them both off again for another round.

Finally as they both quieted, Yeonjun wrapped his arms around Soobin firmly again, pressing a fond grin into his skin.

Soobin quickly snuggled in, any put upon frustration dissipated in the chaos. 

He turned his face into the crux of Yeonjun’s elbow still squeezed below him, and nuzzled in slightly, sighing in contentment.

Yeonjun simply squeezed him lightly, and closed his eyes to the bright sunlight now pouring onto them.

“Let’s get the boys up in a minute yeah?”

Soobin hummed in response.

“Yeah. In a minute”


	10. Countdown to tomorrow

It was 6 months later and Yeonjun was annoyed. 

He had spoken to Soobin about what their plans should be for their 6 month anniversary, and he had gotten little to no response. TWICE.

You did not ignore The Choi Yeonjun, first in everything, friend of many, jack of all trades!

At least that’s what he grumbled to himself as he opened up the dorm door.  What he wasn’t prepared for, however, was the silence that greeted him as he entered. 

Not planning was one thing- but ditching him?! Soobin better have a good excuse for this…

Lips in full pout and hands on his hips he began to search around every corner. 

“Soobin-ah! SOOBIN! HELLLOOOO??”

Suddenly he heard an annoyed moan from behind the couch, and a voice that sounded suspiciously like his missing boyfriend piped up. 

“Can you stop yelling and just look at the kitchen table for god’s sake??”

Yeonjun’s eyes narrowed in faint indigence, but his curiosity won out, and he made his way down the hall to gaze at the kitchen counter.

There, placed carefully and written in pretty script, was a note.

“Dear Yeonjun,

I know it’s only been 6 months, and maybe I’m crazy to say this so soon, but I’ve never claimed to be rational. 

I love you. 

I love you because you care for me when I struggle to care for myself. I love you because you pull me along when I get stuck in the past. 

I love you because you set me free from the chains of my own self doubt, and let me speak with ease. 

I love you because you make every day an adventure, and make me less afraid to face the future. 

I love you because you shine above me, and I love you because you never look down on me.

I love you because you make me a better me.

And I want to love you for every tomorrow. 

Yours, Soobin."

Yeonjun wouldn’t stop crying for the next 15 minutes, not even when Soobin’s arms wrapped around him, not even to get out a clear version of his blubbery “i love you too”.

…

It was 7 o’clock and Soobin was so tired.

He had finished his recording late into the night, until the daylight had broken through the sky again. The only person pushing himself was him, the other recording staff long since gone home with only a brief “we’ll listen to the final piece you give us tomorrow” left in their wake. He had finally been satisfied by 6, but he couldn’t seem to move from his seat. His body felt heavy, his bones like concrete, pulling him down to the earth.

He barely even heard the crack of the door, or the soft sigh that came right after, but he could hardly ignore the fox turned eyes right in front of him. 

Yeonjun didn’t say a word as he took in his haggard appearance, sizing up his oily skin and eyes full of sand. He simply gave him a tight smile, and leaned in to press a soft kiss to his forehead. Yeonjun let his full lips linger for a moment, then gave a hum as he pushed their heads together.

He spoke in a soft whisper, delicate in the fragile morning light. 

“I’m proud of you. Let’s go home now yeah?”

Soobin let out a sigh like a sob, and basked in the mercy of understanding. 

With Yeonjun’s long fingers clasped tight around his arm, he found the strength to stand. Slowly but surely they made their way through the building, onto the quiet street.

Yeonjun flashed him a smile as bright as the newly born sunlight, and led him along until they stopped in front of the convenience store halfway to home. 

“I think we might have time for a snack hm? Early mornings are made for banana milk and choco bread.”

Soobin giggled and nodded, now heading the charge towards the colorful store. 

…

It had been 8 days since the end of their world tour and Yeonjun was feeling restless. 

Sure they all needed time to relax- at the meeting he had agreed with everyone that they all needed a much deserved break after their grueling schedules for the past couple months. 

But the truth is Yeonjun didn’t know  _ how _ to relax. 

Yeonjun was a pusher. A striver. A man who gave his all for a better tomorrow. Sitting? Chilling? Recharging?

Not really in his vocabulary.

So he paced.  He had already scheduled a flight back home, but that was a whole week away! Soobin had gone straight back to see his family, as had the other boys, but Yeonjun had thought that it would be better to go later rather than sooner. That way he would have the energy to properly interact with his whole family once he got there. He should have know better than to think  _ he  _ would run out of energy. Yeonjun was made of liquid plasma for god sakes! Nothing but energy and drive to spare.

So long story short, he was going a little crazy.

It had gotten so bad he had organized the dorm. And he means the whole damn thing- clothing separated by season and then by color, food items in labeled drawers, plushes on newly purchased shelves, even their socks finding their missing half after what was probably years of separation. 

But it didn’t really help. He was still jittery, still on the edge of some cliff he didn’t even see. He was hesitant to call it anxiety. No, truth be told he was downright terrified to call it that. He wasn’t sick or anything he was just- motivated. Yeah that's the right word. 

And that lie worked up until he watched Soobin walk through the door. Done with his portion of family time, Soobin had talked to Yeonjun before he left, and they had planned to have one week of overlap between them so they could spend a little time relaxing together as well. When he saw the state of the dorm and the jagged lines of Yeonjun’s nails, Soobin knew that the break had not been as restful for his boyfriend as he had hoped. 

One look between them was all it took before Yeonjun broke down and shared all his nagging anxieties, from his inability to relax to his worry about not being good enough once he got back.

Finally after Yeonjun spilled it all to Soobin’s patient ear, Soobin spoke up while petting down Yeonjun’s tense back.

“I don’t think you’re ill Junnie, but if you feel like talking to an expert then you really should. I’m not sure if it really is something chronic though, since your personality has always leaned this way. Also I think it’s natural to be a bit anxious in this career we have. The industry is always changing, pushing forward relentlessly, and I also worry about not keeping up. Let’s be real- this isn’t the kind of field that’s made for longevity. But you also need to take a break, so let’s start with a nap huh? And then maybe after we can cook dinner and play some games.”

Yeonjun felt himself give a little, body slumping slightly into the comfortable couch. 

A nap and dinner he could do. And maybe taking it one step at a time was just what he needed. Leaning over towards Soobin he reached out and threaded their fingers together, giving him a warm smile.

“Okay. I’m always down to kick your ass a mario kart.”

…

The clock next to him read 9:45, and Soobin was so, so scared.

His knees wouldn’t stop bouncing, his hand rubbing at his ears in an effort to soothe the heart he could hear pounding in his chest. He ran a hand through his slicked back hair, taming any mussed up ends. He breathed in, then out, and practiced the words he had ingrained in his head. He looked back over at the clock- now displaying 9:55. 

Soobin stood, determined to get himself as together as he could before he headed out the door. He stared at himself in the full length mirror, admiring for a second the man he came to be. It didn’t feel so long ago when he was a boy of gangly long limbs, struggling to put together movements into a rhythm. 

But it also seemed like a lifetime ago, that time when he didn’t know what love really was, when he was clueless to what lay ahead. He still didn’t know what exactly the future held for him, but he was much more sure about who he would spend it with. 

As he pulled his bowtie straight once more, he gave himself a deep dimpled smile in the mirror, and turned to exit through the large painted door. Stepping out into the dim hallway he reached the church's interior door, and with one last breath, gave a mighty push.

The carved wood swung open, and the sight that greeted him left him breathless. There looking back at him was Yeonjun, decked out in a suit of bright white. Poised on the alter like the statue of a saint he glowed, his warm eyes sparkling in the multicolored light pouring in from the stained glass window. 

Even as he felt his father’s large arm slip into his own he couldn’t take his eyes off of his future husband. Nothing felt as important as what lied before him.

With the promise of their tomorrow ahead of him, Soobin took one big step forward, determined to get there together. 

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello all! So this is it: the last update. Thank you all who came on this journey with me, especially those who cheered me on along the way! I hope this ending is satisfying but not too cheesy, although I have to admit I did get a little sappy here. Also I'm not sure if you noticed but the numbers at the beginning of the chapter did mean something- we started and ended with 9 and 3/4! Originally I was going to have 13 chapters to get all around the clock, but alas 10 was the best fit for this fic so I made do here. I really liked getting to vent my feelings about Soobin and Yeonjun and their relationship here, because I find them really interesting and inspiring. I hope above else you enjoyed the characters as much as I did, and that it was a fun time. Thanks again and goodbye! <3
> 
> P.s. I know I described having anxiety kind of harshly but that was just the character's stigma affecting it so if you do have anxiety no need to feel like its something to be ashamed of!:)


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